Tuesday, 12 June 2012

...and then there is reality

My two little conspiritors in toddler hijinks...

Yes, as much of my days are spent in bed right now, my little kiddies can often be found snuggled up with me there too...

As I shared yesterday, we are absolutely thrilled to be expecting our third baby. However the (only) down side is that I am, well, pretty sick. Me and pregnancy... we don't get along too well. I have very rough pregnancies and every one has so far been identical (whether boy or girl!)... five-ish months of relentless, 24/7 nausea and vomiting. Along the way this has been accompanied by such highlights as hospitalisation for dehydration and vomiting blood (from tearing my stomach lining) and this time around has the added bonus of bursting all the blood vessels around my eyes (from the intense vomiting). Oh yes, the tiny red lines really compliment my general green pallor nicely, giving my face a certain festive cheer, I hope?!

All this is easy to type but the days for sure are hard right now. I feel awful being able to barely parent my children. Barely able to do anything in fact. Lily is so compassionate and caring, constantly asking me how I am feeling. The other day I was literally staggering around in the kitchen trying to get lunch for the kids. How are you going Mum? she asked me kindly. Do you want to sit down for a rest and I can get the lunch? Dear reader, I must tell you that I immediately started crying at her beautiful albeit impossible offer.... such a sweet girl. She constantly asks me how I am feeling, with such simple devotion and concern, it is so heart-melting!

We knew it was likely I would be as sick as I have been for my previous pregnancies and tried to prepare and plan as much as possible to cope with this season... but when the reality hit me just how limited I was going to be in caring for my two busy little bees, I admit I felt (if possible) even more wretched that I already do. I know it's only a few months but I feel so sad in being hardly able to engage, play, teach, and care for them. All I can do is pray for God's grace and love to cover them during this period.

Many people have said to me that they were sure I would not want to endure another pregnancy after seeing what I have gone through previously but my thoughts are that these few months are really nothing compared to the life of another sweet child. I gladly and willingly go through this for the sake of this sweet baby... but of course it does get me down, feeling so sick all the time and most of all not being able to adequately care for my kids. It is tough.

Huge props must be given to my amazing husband. Really, while I am lying around being all pathetic and useless (I mean, except for growing a tiny human inside of me), he is the one carrying the load. Whilst having just started a new job and studying for upcoming Uni exams, he is also keeping the house running, coming home early, making dinner, doing laundry, looking after the kids and putting them to bed. Grocery shopping, running errands on lunchbreaks and more. And every time that I throw up (that he is home) - even when it's 3am - he gets me water and tissues, sits next to me and quietly rubs my back whilst I am sick, then empties the bucket while I collapse once again. He is a champion and an amazing man - I'm just so grateful for him caring for the whole family during this time. Sorry the burden has to fall so heavily on him, but grateful all the same.

Of course we read this book every night now!

OK, phew, I didn't want this to come across as a huge pity party or anything! I just wanted to keep it real about the realities of these days and this season. It is hard and it often seems insurmountable to make it through these next few months, but I know that step by step we will. By the grace of God and (I must add) by the loving and generous help already being extended by some incredibly dear friends who insist on delivering meals and helping to look after the kids. We would surely all be collapsed in a heap already without them - with the children no doubt running around naked and eating chocolate for breakfast or something!!

So yes... these days are tough right now. It is easy to tap away on this keyboard as a much needed distraction to my constant feelings of yukkiness, (I sleep a lot but can only sleep so much) and easy to even throw in a few !!!!!! to make me seem as peppy as ever... but the truth is these are hard days. So as for the blog.... I hope I can keep it going - when I can do so little for the kids I would love to do this. Typing a few words out each night while lying in bed is not the problem but getting any kind of creative photo might be. And of course I want to use my little energy towards them in real life rather than virtual, if it's a choice! So... I will do what I can and not beat myself up if I can't keep this up on a daily basis anymore. Perhaps I could even just type out a little anecdote from their day rather than a photo all the time... I mean, hey, it's my blog I can make the rules, right?! :)

No matter what, they find joy...

Sweet baby, when you read this some day.... I want you to know that I would go through all this a thousand times over just to hold you in my arms. You are worth every moment. We love you!


  1. Oh Kate! You are so inspiring in the depths of your so call "morning" (24/7) sickness you still stay positive and write such lovely words. Yes it is your blog and you do what you can. I will still be visiting to check our your words of wisdom and love. claps for your hubby doing what his is doing for his wife, kids and unborn baby. Love the photo of Lilly holding the book up. Praying for the yucky feelings to subside quickly.

  2. Wow wow wow, what wonderful words. So sorry that pregnancy is so difficult for you. I pray that you will be uplifted and cared for and that you do not feel bad as a Mum during this time as you try to get through this sick feeling and caring for your family too.

  3. Dear Kate, I am glad you got this all out. Put it on paper (computer ;) ) and indeed revealed the reality of the downside of your most wonderful news.
    I can read your words, and hear you make small references to how feel when we catch up and see in your face that you are feeling unwell but I know that what I see/hear is only a glimpse of what you go through in your pregnancies. I think tough would be an understatement :(
    Your little baby is a lucky little one; a gorgeous life within an equally gorgeous family awaits him/her :)
    Please use your blog to keep it real (as you say it is yours to do so!) and know that I am here to support you in anyway you need :)
    Well done Mark for stepping up and being a caring husband and father. But hey Kate that doesn't mean you are any less of a mother/parent. You and Mark are a team. Lily and Eli would NEVER see that you anything less than the loving parent that you are each and every day. Look at Lily's smile would you? YOu have made her one happy girl this week ...and will continue to do so.
    Love you, and hope that your family and friends can give you the strength that you need at this difficult time. xxxxxxxxxx

    1. thank you so much amber - you have been/are SUCH an emotional (and physical) support for me during this time... you have no idea. It means soooo much to me - thank you dear friend xx

  4. Oh Kate, that all sounds incredibly difficult! I know you have probably tried everything but have you been taking B6? Some of my friends who had 'morning' sickness even had it via injections. It's great to see you and Mark have organised how to make this stage of your life that teensy bit easier on you while you do the amazing job of growing that little bean, as you say it WILL all be very much worth it! Wish I was closer and could lend a hand, Lily and Eli would be very welcome for playdates here :) xx

    P.S. Lily's smile in that photo with the book is spectacular!

    1. aw thanks andi - i wish we lived closer for many reasons!! thanks so much and yes i have pretty much tried every remedy (alternative and mainstream) during the 3 rounds! i did try b6 last time and have been taking it even pre-pregnancy this time (for several months as well as some other treatments) in the hopes of balancing out my system more (as i heard it could be due to a b6 deficiency). sadly, hasnt helped. ah well, worth a shot!! (hmm not a physical shot tho, maybe i should look into injections). thanks girl, love ya! x

  5. You are an amazing woman, Kate. And a very, very selfless mother. xx

  6. Oh Kate, AsI read your words I vividly remember that constant nausea, the saliva starts to build in my mouth and I feel so, so sorry for you. Life is cruel to expect you to endure that kind of torture for ALL of your pregnancies and you are worthy of the biggest pity party going. 'Morning' (ha!) sickness is no fun whatsoever. :( But as you say, you will have a sweet new baby in your arms early next year and it will be all worth it.
    Re the blog: Relax, don't pressure yourself. If you can't manage a photo or even a few words, no-one is going to hold it against you. You and your family come first, everything else after that.
    Hope you are feeling better soon. xx

    1. thanks so much tarnya! it is a kinda bittersweet comradarie knowing so many mamas can share in what im going through to varying degrees. Makes us sure we realllly want those babies, huh? thanks for your sympathy and support, dear girl!

  7. Oh Kate, I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much with 'morning' (as if!) sickness. I too shudder as I remember the total and utter exhaustion and constant nausea of the third pregnancy...tough times, but, as you say, not forever (although it just feels that way when you're in the midst of it no doubt).

    I look forward to your posts with or without pics and the blog will always be there to pick right up again when you're feeling better.

    I don't know if you've seen this, being a like-minded pinterest fan, but thought there might be a couple of ideas that you could use for those days when you can't get off the couch...

    Good luck, and much strength to you,
    Sarah (goodytenshoes)

    1. oh those are some GREAT ideas sarah - thanks for the link! i may be using quite a few of those in coming weeks/months! thanks so much for sharing in my journey - encouraging to know others made it through too x


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