My children want ME!?

"Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else."

Yes. This.

I read this gorgeous post suddenly going viral on Facebook this morning - and it struck a chord. I am guessing it is striking chords in a crazy cacophony all over the world, hence all the fervent 'sharing'. I encourage you go and read it (but please come back!)... if you don't have time, the basic gist of it is about mothers feeling pressured (by ourselves) to perform at the standards seen on places like Pinterest and Instagram and the like.

When I dive into the fantastical, inspiring, overwhelming world of Pinterest (or Facebook, or blogs, etc) - although I certainly get inspired and have even done (gasp) plenty of cool things I have seen there - it is ever so easy to start feeling wayyyyyyyy behind the eight-ball - the eight-ball that all the other Mamas seem to be juggling with ease and grace (while crafting front-door wreaths from fresh berries, wine corks and taffeta.... with their toes, of course!).

Before nap time every day, Eli and Lily beg for cuddle time together.

For some reason at this time (and no other) they also ask for their pic  to be taken. On the days I don't have the energy to grab the camera, we pretend to snap pics as they are doing here!

But really, all those gorgeous things - aren't they just a veneer of ONE idea of motherhood, not the real thing? Gorgeous, fun, educational for sure... but not the true heart of the matter. Not the heart of our children and what they really need. Time with us, talks with us, heart sharing with US. Sure there may be Super Mothers who could do everything 'better', but no one can mother them quite like US... and we are the ones that they actually want!

Pretending to sleep. Yeah, right!!

Something I have realised (or am slowly in the process of realising!)... is that we cannot do all things all the time. Craft, bake, clean, decorate, special activities - for me, it's often pretty much pick one a day!! Or on some days.... I am doing well just to get the kids fed and dressed....or.. even...errrr... fed!

The thing is that there are many amazing and blessed people out there who can and do many of these things - with ease, with passion, with grace. I know 'cos I am friends with some of them - and I am in awe! But that is not me - at least, not all the time. Sometimes I have bursts of creativity and inspiration and I love doing those fun special activities, decorations, fancy snacks, food from scratch, and organisational what-not. But other times, I have realised, rather than flowing from the heart, I am doing 'those things' out of a sense of compulsion, because this is what the 'good mothers do' and I am trying to keep up with them.

I truly want to be a good mother, and good mothers use hair spray and glitter to make Tooth Fairy Money, don't they??!!!! (Ok, I just randomly grabbed idea that off my feed on Pinterest and now I'm like, actually that's an awesome idea!! Yes, this is why I am my own worst enemy). AHEM. Anyhoo, I'm realising that if I am making incredibly fun Panda Bread for the children (yes really, that exists, and no I am never ever erver going to even attempt it) , while growling at them to stay out of the kitchen so I can do it ....well I've kinda missed the point (and the plot!).

Do I want to be a good mother to my children, or just look like one to everyone else?

Counting fingers

I think my conclusion is that these beautiful 'extras' are certainly not wrong, excessive or merely frivolous. They can be fun, memory-making, inspiring, fulfilling - while making our families feel cherished and our home feel welcoming - and hey, it can make us feel pretty darn clever too! All good stuff. But they must flow from my excess. Excess energy, time and head-space. Not the core of my mothering - I need to protect that for me and my family, for the real stuff. The extras should also come from my heart and a desire to do them with joy, not a sense of compulsion or keeping up with the Pinning Jones'. I can always tell which friends truly take pleasure in baking from scratch, from labelling every jar in their house, from hosting parties where the fondant cake matches the triangle bunting. They do these things in love and it is wonderful and inspiring to see. If I do those things, I also need to do them for me and my family, not for the approval of others or my own sense of what I should be capable of doing. If we think we are doing them for the kids or the family, while stressing and growling and anxious, then perhaps we (I) need a wake up call.

It's OKAY that these amazing talents do not all flow naturally from me all the time. I have other gifts (like dissecting the characters of reality TV shows, ha!). What our children want from us is US - we are the very best Mothers for them - just as we are. God gifted them to us and us to them and we are all they want or need. I truly believe they need so much less from us (materially) than we give them... but so much more of us (in time and true engagement) than we realise. Quiet moments, long hugs, silly tickle fights. Not a cranky and stressed mother making home made 20 jars of fairy dust for birthday party favours... at 2am. Happy, relaxed and content Mama comes first... any fairy dust is just a bonus!

Because they love us, and we love them... and just being together, as ourselves... truly, that is enough...

Mama, they just want you xx