a little coast trip // a little girl's time

Last weekend, four very giddy ladies set off for a cosy winter escape to the south coast. My lovely friends Amber, Jess, Kate G and I packed up and left the kids in the capable hands of our wonderful hubbies so we could enjoy a little 'girl's only' retreat!

We stayed at Jess' beautiful family coast house and to say we were excited about a child-free weekend would be the understatement of the century!!!

I made Chocolate Bark to nibble over the weekend. I think it was all gone by the first night!!! (And I made double this batch, haha). Dark chocolate, sprinkled with cranberries and toasted pistachios, almonds, chia, sesame and sunflower seeds and salt flakes. Mmmmmm. 

All in all, it was blissful.

Truly could not have been better... all I had been daydreaming of and more. We stayed up chatting till almost 1am both nights, then slept in till almost 10am both mornings! Scandalous, haha! It seriously felt sooooo decadent, to have no noise and no compulsion to get up for anything. The peace and quiet was just amazing. And we just talked, talked, talked. About... you know... everything and nothing :) Oh, and ate. And drank tea by the fireside as it poured down outside. We watched movies, read books and even crafted!! Well, two of us (cough, cough, Jess&KateG, clever ladies!) crafted mostly ;) I was encouraged to get in on the act even though I have noooooo crafty skills.... and managed (with much coaching from a patient Kate G) to create a cute little felt bunny. I was pretty proud of him, haha and felt immensely satisfied when it was done. I can hardly bear to gift him to the kids, lol!!!

This iPhone pic pretty much sums up the weekend - roaring fire, chocolate, nail
polish, chai tea and crafty remnants :)

We strolled down the main street of the sleepy little coastal town, digging through op shops for treasure and meandering through fancy clothes stores.... just relishing the opportunity to browse without little people tugging sleeves and requesting food. The second day was blustery, chilly and more than a little overcast... but we eventually managed to extract ourselves from the fireside to have a coffee at a charming local cafe and wind our way down to a secret beach with the most amazing rocky shoreline.

I cannot begin to tell you how refreshing it was. I was so thankful for a chunk of time with such inspiring, amazing women. How good it was to soak up their good hearts and weighty life stories. How indulgent it felt to just chill out and listen to good music and chit chat about favourite artists and concerts. How peaceful it was to just sit.... to eat only when we felt hungry, to potter through the day with no agenda, no rush and no one else to tend to!

It was rejuvenating and delightful and I am very grateful to this dear trio for inviting me along on such an amazing escape. I am still daydreaming about our time - yes, it already seems like a dream!!!

I highly recommend getting together with your friends for a weekend escape :) Keep it simple, book it well ahead (we coordinated our calendars three months ago!) and just enjoy the company of friends and a change of pace. A step outside of the every day is always nice!

I can't believe I somehow made this cute bunny!!?? Ok, he is only about 2.5 inches long and I had a lot of instruction
(thanks Kate G!!) but goodness me, you would have thought it was the Mona Lisa, I felt so satisfied, haha!!!  I am really
not crafty so I just was in shock I think ;)

I was also thankful to take some mental space (as I love to do when I get away) to reflect on God's provisions in my life. He guides me through life's ups and downs and provides reprieves where it is needed. He blessed me greatly with this weekend, and encouraged me through the generous spirits of three dear friends... one old, two new, all amazing :) There was a bit of a water theme this weekend it seemed, with rain and oceans and creeks. While the rain trickled down, I was thankful for moments of peace to reflect on the streams of Living Water that flow through me and give purpose to my days. God is good :) It kind of reminded me I should go back to the Source a little more often!


Sooo....


We were so chilled out I could barely bother to take any photos (that chocolate wasn't going to eat itself, you know!!) but on the last day I grabbed a few snaps as we packed up the house (sniff!) and checked out a magic little beach....

Baby, it's cold outside (so we just huddled inside by the fire!)

A beautiful bush/beach retreat :)

Coastal Cafe 

It was grey and stormy and the waves sure were crashing!

We picked our way down a precarious path to a secret little beach. As we reached the cliff top, I started shrieking
'Dolphins!!! Dolphins!!!!!!!!'. Yeah. I'm not one to play it cool. Seeing a pod of beautiful dolphins (about four?) playing around just a hundred metres from shore totally made my day :)

We managed to balance the camera and the timer to get a group shot... barely making the frame!
Amber, Jess and Kate - thanks girls, for a perfect weekend. I feel truly grateful to know you :) So inspired by you all!

The most amazing beach filled with beautiful textural stones. It was so enchanting to dig through them all, so pretty!
We took a few home for the kids to enjoy too :)

Tiny black pebbles made up the shoreline

A magic beach, a magic weekend. Sigh. 

Great memories to tide us over - till next time!! ;)

PS It was also wonderful to wind our way home early Sunday evening,  to be greeted by my champion husband (he said he had a super fun weekend with the kids) and a clean house, dinner ready, and three hysterically excited kids (bearing freshly picked flowers) who had already been fed and bathed. What a welcome!!! They inundated me with more cuddles than a mother could ever hope for. Coming home is the best bit, after all xx

Sibling Relationships // How to reduce the Fighting with 'Soft Words'

As I wrote about recently, we have been working on a little 'family values' poster project. 

Our next value (mmmm, maybe value isn't exactly the right word here, but you catch my drift!) was 'Speaking Gently'. 

In family life, *how* we speak to each other often becomes just as important as *what* we say (ever noticed that?!). Recently I'd noticed that the tone of the interactions between Lily and Eli were sometimes getting a little 'sharp and squealy' for my liking! The high-pitched/whiny 'Stop!!! Move away!! I was playing with that! Noooo, don't touch, that's mine!!' type thing. Ahhhhh, like nails on a chalkboard, huh!? ;) Generally, they play/negotiate/discuss and get along sooooo well, but I had started to notice this type of 'sharp' response creeping in and really wanted to nip it in the bud before it became a standard for their interaction. I totally understand those responses are so instinctual when you feel 'wronged' but I also feel like with practise and purpose, we can train ourselves to slow down and respond differently out of a 'new habit' - and perhaps turn the whole interaction around. A big call for little hearts but a good one to begin working on early before those sharp response patterns become entrenched. Creating consciousness in them about how they were speaking, as well as showing them a 'better way' would be the first step. This is where 'scripting' often comes in, but I will write about that in another post!

What I noticed in particular was how things would escalate so often not from the initial statement or action (by Child A) but from the response (by Child B) at which point, things could get really 'heated'. So I wanted to work on 'cutting that circuit'.... just with baby steps, as I understand that negotiation and self-control are skills that must be learned over time (and often take a lifetime to fine-tune, as I sadly know too well!).

So with all those thoughts churning around, I figured 'speaking gently' would be a good subject for us to focus on next. I had a Proverb in mind to use along with it that has always struck me for its wisdom and real-life applicability. It applied especially well to the case of 'sibling-interaction-escalation!' (and, it should be noted, parent-child-interaction too!! Ahem).

''A soft answer makes anger disappear,

 but a rough answer makes it grow.''

Proverbs 15.1

I compiled a couple of translations to use the words that were most understandable to the kids... I loved this translation as the 'soft/rough' words were so graphic and clear - and I loved the visual of our response making anger either grow or disappear! This is a scripture full of such truth and wisdom - so very powerful! 

I looked around online for an activity as I thought such a core concept could use something extra to help the kids really understand the difference they could make with their words and even their tone. I found this simple and sweet one to base my own activity on -  I loved how it made soft and rough words so real!

We cut out some little sheets of sandpaper and got a pile of cotton balls and glue. The kids and I had a chat about our words and how we could use them in different ways in our family. We read the verse together and I explained to the kids how rough words and soft words could make someone feel by encouraging the kids to rub either the sandpaper or cotton ball on their bare arms. How does it feel when someone uses rough words with you? (It hurts me!) How does it feel whens someone uses soft words (nice and gentle and soft!). We had quite a fun (and funny!) time having pretend conversations where someone would answer in a rough way (ouch!!) or a soft way (ooh, that feels nice!). They really got into it and we laughed as we role played. I could see they were really understanding the concept and getting a lot out of it too. We walked through how, even if someone said/did something a little bit rough, we could choose to respond 'softly' and that would 'cover up' the rough words (or, 'put out the fire', if you will) and make things so much better! Sometimes it is better not to fight fire with fire... if you don't want to burn your home down, right???

For example:

Eli: (grabs a toy -  - may or may not realise L was using it)

Lily (calmly): Eli, I'm still using that right now, please can you give it back to me? You can have a turn in a minute, ok? (soft - rub that nice cotton ball!)

Eli hands it back. Done :)

 - as opposed to -

E: (grabs a toy - may or may not realise L was using it)

Lily (frantically): NOOOOOOOO, Eli!! That's mine! Give it back!!!! 

(rough - scratchy sandpaper!)

Eli holds on to toy for dear life! Problems escalate!

I should note here that of course, ideally 'Child A' would not snatch, complain or whine in the first place! And we talked about and work on that too. But when Child A makes a bad choice, it is certainly a lot easier to deal with that behaviour if Child B does not escalate the situation! (So Mama then has two upset kids to deal with!). Plus as we have seen, a soft response can often totally diffuse a potential melt down and avoid needing intervention too, so they can negotiate and work out issues more independently.

We reenacted quite a few *familiar* scenes using both rough words and soft words so they could see the difference those words could make. The key I think is realising that THEY can change the direction themselves, by choosing to calm themselves and use softer words - instead of immediately 'arking up' with rough words that only make the situation worse. They especially loved it when I tried out using some rough words too (wailing over wanting a toy, haha) so they could hear what it sounded like to me for once!! ;) 

Afterwards, they glued the cotton balls to the sandpaper, to remind us that God wants us to use soft words with each other, and that our soft words will help 'cover up' any rough/angry words and help them go away. We stuck them up on our little 'family command centre', but the kids still like to take them down to use every now and then! 

Later that day, when Lily responded cheerfully and obediently to a request I made, she pointed to the little cotton ball craft and said 'I bet that felt really soft to you, Mummy!'  It sure did! :)

Since then, using phrases like 'Try using some soft words', 'That sounded a bit like rough words to me'  and 'Do you think that feels soft or rough?' have been good reminders to slow down and watch words and tone. I've noticed both of them (unprompted) sometimes stop just as they are about to get upset, take a breath and instead use gentle words with each other - which is just gorgeous and such a relief to see!!! And they see for themselves the difference this makes!

Of course, it's not all soft and cosy cotton balls around here!! ;) They are still learning and so am I. It's a process but this little project has been a good reminder to dig deep into understanding the power of choice that we have. One little craft activity is absolutely not a one-fix-wonder, but it helps to understand big concepts in a very concrete way about the impact their words can have. This little activity also hit the nail on the head in terms of my strong belief in 'training in times of non-conflict'. Of course, that takes a little extra energy, initiation and creativity from me too - I don't always have the resources to do this but I just do what I can, when I can - focusing on one key area at a time really helps make it more manageable. They are so much more open to grasping these concepts when we talk about them when not in the midst of a melt down or argument. Instead everyone was relaxed and happy and open to receiving these words into their little hearts. It takes us all back to the foundations and refreshes us all to aim higher, do better and keep learning together.

Later I was reflecting on how it went and feeling thankful that they understood so well. But as I pondered, that proverb cut through my own heart - as God's Word tends to do!! I mean, God's Word and that verse is not just for kids!! It was speaking to me too. How often (and how easy!) is it for me to respond 'roughly' to someone, especially when I feel like they have spoken roughly to me?! With my kids most of all - if they are whiny, cranky or argumentative, how tempting it is to respond in kind with a frustrated, sharp or cranky voice? How much better do things go if I respond calmly, lovingly, empathetically (but still firmly)? Much, much better.

Of course, the kids are not the only people in my world (just the ones who take up most of my time, haha!). The same goes for my dear husband, my extended family, the grumpy shop assistant and so on. Even when I don't get spoken to or treated exactly how I would like, I have a choice in whether to escalate or diffuse the situation. A harsh response can stoke the fires of anger, but a soft word may douse it completely and turn the situation around... especially if it's just someone else's hard day, tired moment or even good old miscommunication stirring up things. It's funny how often in this world we get the idea that we should fight fire with fire - if someone speaks to us unpleasantly, we should volley it back to them. God turns it upside down when He encourages us to instead respond with softness. It's so easy to see the flaw in an angry response when I see it in my kids. It's so much easier to justify that response in myself!!!!

I am blessed to regularly see how a gentle response works through my own wonderful husband, Mark. He has a great habit of responding gently and compassionately, rather than 'firing back'. If it's me being cranky or frustrated, it immediately melts me and helps me realise he is not 'the enemy' but rather I am usually just tired/stressed/worried about something else. I see him work his magic on others too :) I admit I am more likely to 'fire back' when seemingly attacked by someone (oops) and have learnt so much from his gentle ways of responding.

Food for thought indeed. God's word is so rich and I love how something can be found in it for every age and every stage!

Mmmm, can you seem what word I almost (horror!) misspelled? If only I was
fussy enough to re-do the whole thing but I just could not be bothered ;)

Anyway, we all learnt a lot as you can see from this little activity and Family Values lesson. It will be a looooooong work in progress for us all, but it is encouraging to be on the same page, reaching for the highest standard. We fail, we fall, we grump and we return fire with fire. But we also slowly learn to cover roughness with softness and when we do, we all reap the good results of a more respectful and harmonious home and life. We can forgive when we fail and encourage each other to do better. That's what family is for... we are a graceful learning ground for life :)

our family values // a little poster project

What are your core family values? 

This is something I have been thinking about lately. Our values form such a central party of our family identity. I have been so charmed by an array of lovely Family Values or Family Rules posters I have seen on Etsy or Pinterest, and was even tempted to buy one - I thought it would be great to have up in our home. But none of them felt like they perfectly fitted our family and I didn't just want to buy into someone else's. So a few weeks ago, I decided to spur of the moment to simply pop up a sheet of paper on the wall so we could start building our own. Rather than overwhelming the kids (and myself) with a big list all at once, I thought we'd just slowly develop the list step by step. 

What would go on the list? I decided to begin with whatever 'values' that I wanted the kids to learn about, focus on or particularly (ahem!) needed a bit of assistance in working on! It would then naturally turned into a bit of a Family Theme around the home for a while too. I also wrote the word on another little poster stuck up on a wall for reference (along with a Bible verse or explanation) while we focused on it. An unexpected side benefit of this was that it helped *me* as well as the kids really focus on that value for a while - we could all highlight it in daily home life and really learn it in a much deeper way. Sometimes doing a small craft, activity and/or role play to explain it a bit more helped it all sink in too. We have only got through three 'values' so far and as we deal with the obvious ones, I may go looking around for more ideas on things to include too - suggestions welcome!!

This little nook is developing into a bit of a central family planning
and learning corner!

We started off with 'Helpfulness' - a good intro as the kids are already very helpful and I knew could also understand it easily and of course grow. We all had fun highlighting any acts of helpfulness we saw from each other, and it opened our eyes to how everyone in the family could help each other in big and small ways. We talked about why we help each other and how it feels when someone helps you. It was lovely and the kids really grew in not just their understanding of helpfulness but also in doing it more spontaneously. They became more aware of ways they could help, and even more aware of the help their wonderful parents gave too! ;) I got a few more ideas of small tasks around the home they could do for an increased sense of their very important contribution to our family (side bonus is decreasing the load for me!). Eli would find things on the floor and then as he put it away, say coyly, 'Dat's helpfulness, Mummy!' Haha, yes indeed! 

 'Respect' was all about treating every member of the household as an individual and as a person worthy of honour. Everyone is precious to God and deserves to be respected! Our theme Bible verse was 'Treat others as you would like them to treat you' from Luke 6.31. Even little Baby Miles can be treated with respect  - by not invading his personal space, not squashing him with cuddles or rattling toys in his face too vigorously without warning. (Ummm, can you tell this kid get a lot of loving?!!). Small things like talking to Miles about what is happening to him before picking him up were ways the kids became more aware of showing him respect. The kids learnt a lot about showing respect to each other in their play and interactions. Of course, respect for us as parents as we raise them was a big focus too. This has always been such an important thing to me, that my children will learn how to show (and feel) respect for us as parents - not just in behaviour but also in speech and tone... and most importantly, from their heart where it all flows! It is also our aim as parents to show respect to them too, so we also had stuff to work on! Though we have authority and must set boundaries and train and give consequences and all that, we always aim to do so respectfully, with empathy and gentleness. Yeah, it's a work in progress for ALL of us! ;)

I will write up a separate post about how we learnt about 'Speak Gently' as we did a fun little activity to accompany that one - coming soon(ish)!

Lily wanted to help colour in the words

It started on a bit of a whim but now I am so pleased that this little project has turned into something quite intentional and foundational for our family. The kids love to read through the poster and tell visitors about all the values. It's still all pretty flexible still - no fixed or regimented program on how we are doing it as I am just not that organised or strict!  So we will introduce a new value when I feel like the previous one has been well understood and worked on, and/or when I get the energy to introduce another element!!  It's roughly been every couple of weeks so far, but some I suspect will be needed for much longer! ;) Of course, I should clarify that going through this one time does not mean it's checked off or understood for life or anything! This little project is just another thin layer in the foundation we are working to build - piece by piece instilling the things that God values into the hearts of our children. Not merely to build their characters but to bring them closer to knowing and understanding who God is, too. 

I thought I would share this here in case it inspires anyone else to do this in their family! Your values might look different (as every family is!), but whatever they are, I think it's just a nice way to think them through and share and grow in those core ideas together :)

Card Matching Game and Nasty Colds

The kids got a cute new card-matching game in a lovely care-package from Mark's parents - match two parts of a Bible story together then retell the story using prompt words on the back. It was a great way to remember stories they already knew, and explain some new ones. As well as working on matching skills at the same time. We had a lovely quiet morning playing it together, which was just what we needed.

Eli liked to just pile the cards up.

Lily very focused on matching

Lily always pulls her pants/leggings up to her knees, so little bro
of course has to try to do the same!

Got another one, Mummy!

Counting all the matches and telling the stories...
Jesus born in the Stable, Adam and Eve, etc

We are slowly coming out of over a week of a plague of sickness on our household... colds/flu, double ear infections, sinus infections, conjunctivitis, coughs, sore throats, etc. All four of us have been caught by various elements - and unfortunately for me, while I was starting to get better, it hit me hard and took me back to a few wretched day of being sicker than I have in weeks! Hideous. Sort of frustrating too as I was feeling like I was at the cusp of 'better' - I feel like I'm 70% colds etc, and only 30% pregnancy sickness now, so I am itching to rid the house of all the remnants of winter lurgies and all be well at last!!! The poor kiddos have been so sick too, so we have all been just hanging around the house for over a week being miserable and yuck... a sweet little care package from the grandparents sure brightened the day and blessed us all with some treats and fun to keep us occupied on our home-bound days - grandparents rock!

The Fruit of the Spirit...

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

Recently I have been working with the kids on learning about the Fruit of the Spirit of God. I wanted them to not just learn the names but be able to identify what these traits look like in action - in themselves and others. So, I drew up this rather simple little tree with the 'fruit' listed in the leaves. In retrospect I probably should have drawn fruit rather than leaves, but oh well!

I had the idea we could put a sticker on the 'fruit/leaf' when the kids identified that trait through our week but my clever little girl quickly cottoned on to that, loudly saying 'Look, Mummy, I'm giving Eli a toy - that's kind - can I put on a sticker?!'...about three times in thirty minutes.  Ahem... Well, I didn't want the kids 'performing' good things just for stickers, so I changed it around to identifying the fruit of the Spirit in others - so I could notice them in the kids, they in each other, the parents, etc.

It has been a lovely little project, seeing Lily exclaim 'Mummy, Eli's giving me a sweet cuddle, that's gentleness!'



The important task of choosing out a sticker is complete

For posterity I wanted to record some of the ways we have seen the Fruit of the Spirit enacted in our home in the last week or so...

love - family cuddle time!

joy - mummy feeling so happy when Lily came home from school

peace - lily and eli playing quietly together in her room

patience - the kids waiting patiently for dinner to be ready

kindness - eli giving lily the toy he knew she wanted to play with

goodness - lily obeying cheerfully when she was told it was time to tidy up

faithfulness - lily clearing her plate from the table without reminders 

gentleness - eli giving lily gentle cuddles on the couch during TV time

self-control - lily waiting in bed till the 'sun comes up' on her toddler alarm clock

Intense concentration when applying the sticker!

It has been (I hope) a good way for the kids to see their choices and behaviour in a bigger light than merely that action of the moment. Good for me too, as we work as a family to let that 'fruit' shine through our hearts and into our lives. Lily told me tonight she wants to keep the poster up 'forever and ever' which I think means for a good while yet... and so I think we will!

Yup, I put that sticker there!

Blessings Every Day!

Every week day morning, Mark gets the kids up at 7.30am and they all have breakfast together before he leaves for work at eight (and yes, he is a wonderful Daddy but that is a whole other post!). It is a really sweet time for them to chat about the day to come, the meaning of life, whether Lily gets to wear a dress that day, where butterflies sleep, and other such important issues - I love to overhear their chatter! It is a time the kids really love to spend with their Dad and if he has to leave for work early they are so disappointed (just left with good old Mum!).

For Christmas, my lovely parents-in-law gave the kids this gorgeous little book called Blessings Everyday - 365 simple devotions for the very young. It is completely precious and well-written, and perfectly suited for the age of the kids (well, let's be honest, Lily!). So as a new addition to an already sweet routine, Mark has been reading them one of the devotions each morning while they munch their Vegemite toast. They love it! Then they have a chance to discuss the topic and of course Lily asks questions and Eli shouts out 'Babbieeeeeeees' if he can manage to spot a picture of one (or anyone under the age of 25) in the book! Lily usually fills me in later on her take on things.

The topics are such things as Being Kind, Telling the Truth, Being a Helper, When you feel Scared, God's Promises etc - just one page with a Bible verse, a picture, a paragraph of text and a little poem - just perfect! The beauty is that at this age we will be able to just start the book all over again next year and I'm sure it will all seem just like new once more, haha!! When the topic was about God always being there for you, Lily excitedly added that she had four people to always look after her - 'God, Jesus, Mummy and Daddy... oh and Nana!' Lol.... 

I am thrilled at this special new part of their breakfast routine, little seeds of values, faith and truth being planted in their hearts each morning to help guide their day and perhaps even their lives.

On a related note, I am really enjoying capturing the regular rhythms of our day through this project! I thought I would focus more on the big fun things - outings and visitors and activities - but instead for now I am so happy to record those simple little routines that make up so much of our lives and would perhaps be forgotten in years to come. The moments, routines and way we live that I think in the end will be so much more meaningful than those 'out of the ordinary' times (as much as I love those too!)... isn't there something just a little bit extraordinary and magical in the everyday? What we do and how we live through these seemingly mundane moments I think will be much more telling than just the 'big moments' I would usually remember to capture. Hence the beauty of this challenge to Document Delight!