a generous Christmas gesture // from a child's heart

This girl. 

She has been saving every penny for months to buy an iPad (whether she is actually allowed to have one is a whole other story!). 

Any mention of spending her money on other things has been met w horror - eye on the prize and all that. 

Just before her final week of school, she announced that she wanted to cut open her precious money tin and spend all her money on a gift for her beloved teacher. 

(Over $35 that she has slowly saved!)

Part of me wanted to tell her she didn't need to spend it all, especially as I'd already gotten a gift. But how could I quash such heartfelt generosity? I couldn't. Pretty sure if there is a spirit of Christmas it looks something like this little angel's gesture.

Her little brother, inspired by her genorosity, decided he wanted to do the same. Though he hadn't saved as much and decided he didn't want to quite spend every penny, he was eager to choose out his own gifts for his beloved teachers.

And thus, though I have a 'no shops in December' policy, I took the kids to the shopping centre. Lily originally wanted to buy her teacher a full sized live Christmas tree!! But after some discussion, she decided that a gorgeous little wooden table top tree (that he could use year after year) would be just as good - as well as two sweet ornaments. Eli also carefully chose two ornaments all by himself.

There is something so fitting and so very moving about witnessing children give so generously at Christmas - purely out of love and appreciation. 

My children, they teach me so much xx

PS I do believe her teacher got a little teary,  he was so very touched by her gift and the explanatory note :)

51/52 - Her last day of Preschool + Brothers in Arms

Lily

Her last day of Preschool.

I had been so focused on the 'first day of Kindergarten' that is coming up, that this day kinda crept up on me!

And yet, she completed her first year, and, oh how well she did! 

I am not sure if we are the last state in Australia to still have government-funded Preschool (2.5 days a week of play-based schooling before the first formal full time school year), but I am so very grateful we do! It is such a wonderful and gentle introduction to the routine and structure of school life, while also being beautifully play based, creative and nurturing. The social experiences and numerous enriching activities have been just wonderful for my little girl.

She has grown, flourished, matured.... and now Kindy awaits! :)

Eli 

We are pretty strict on the table manners around here, but you just can't deny a child's right to slurp spaghetti, can you?!! Actually, even Daddy was getting in on the fun!

Seriously, we must be animals ;) 

Eli - spaghetti-slurping champion!

Miles

It's been a while since I made one of these, but this week I whipped up a little shaker toy for Miles (just water, food dye, glitter!) and....well... as you can see he was pretty entranced by it!

Ohhhh, he makes me smile!

PS Let's be honest, this blog is as good as it gets for this boy's baby book, so I will record here that Miles said his first proper word this week at 10 months -  'More, more!'. I took a toy out of his hands for some reason and he squawked in disapproval (a first for this chilled out little dude!) and said 'More, more!'. He is also saying/signing 'More, more' (unprompted) when he wants more food at meal times too.  He looks at his hand making  the sign, laughs and looks just sooooo proud of himself to be communicating what he wants. So cute :) Let the demands begin ;)

Project 52: A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013.

More highlights from the week that was...

Sticky taping a 'thankyou' Christmas card and treat for the Postie. Oh, you should have heard her shriek with joy
when she checked later that day and it was gone!! She was just absolutely tickled :) 'How did he know?!!! We have to do this every year, Mummy!!!'

Decorating Christmas tree cookies. Aldi makes the best little kits for
stress-free Xmas baking :) So glad I splashed out on these (well, only $3 or so,
but splash out as in wouldn't normally buy a packet mix!). The kids loved them
and just so quick and easy and fun to do!

Well, I guess someone has to take care of the left over sprinkles!!

It's Christmas/party season, and the Sartorial planets align when I realise both boys have (hand-me-down!) Ralph Lauren Polo shirts that not only fit  them both this summer but are in Christmas colours, no less! What are the chances?!

A little impromptu photo session at the lovely birthday party we attended had to happen. Miles was dreadfully overtired (kinda forgot to put him down to nap!... oops), so a little less his cheery self in these photos. But when these two get together, there are always a million precious moments...

Brothers in arms...

The hand  just casually /affectionately rubbing his little brother's head? Just slays me!

Did you ever see a more joyful face? Pure sunshine!

Ready to go sing Christmas carols and deliver card and small gifts to the
neighbours. And I just realised they are in last year's Xmas PJ's. Wow,
look at those long legs, they really have grown!!

Eli's 'crazy face'. Things get wild when this face appears (accompanied by hooting and hollaring!)

Although the cropping doesn't show the height difference, I can see the change in her face. She has really grown!

Ready to go spread some cheer! (iphone pic)

I took the kids carolling at a nursing home this week. It was something I had hoped to do with them for a long time, and it was just a beautiful experience. Though Lily had been the eager one beforehand (even informing me she planned to sing solo!) she visibly shrank in shyness after we arrived and saw all the unfamiliar faces. Eli, bold and gloriously three, had no such qualms. He happily strolled up to each resident, introduced himself 'I'm Eli, E-L-I!' and sweetly sang his tune. Precious boy, he did so wonderfully and won so many hearts with his sunny, friendly nature. I was really proud of Lily too, because although she felt really shy once we arrived, she knew just how important it was to give this gift of song and cheer to these residents, so she dug deep and joined in with the singing and chatting.... a little quiet, but she was there and she was a rich blessing with her sweet spirit.... gently touching the hands of those unable to respond or move, and kindly making conversation with those who wanted a chat.

We sang simple Christmas songs to various little groups and individuals as we made our rounds, and the kids just brought so many happy smiles and inspired quite a few singalongs too! And  yes, as I stood behind them at one point as their sweet voices trilled 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' and three dear old ladies grinned and sang along, I did get a tear in my eye!! I was just super duper proud to see the joy and blessing they could bring. It was a privilege to be part of.

I hope we did bring some Christmas cheer to all those lovely residents - and the staff too who seemed so happy to see the kids being cute and chatting away (they are so busy and understaffed at this time of year!). And for my kids, I hope we planted a seed in their hearts - that they may remember the privilege of giving time and love to others during this season - and all year round too. Because at this time of year, we not only remember how utterly loved we are by Jesus through His gift of life, but we can share His love through good and kind deeds. We are so thankful to be rich in family and blessings, and to be able to share that with other more isolated members of our community. It was a simple outing but the experience was precious - and fun! Already looking forward to next year... perhaps we will expand our repertoire beyond three carols ;)

(We wish you a Merry Christmas, Jingle Bells and Away in a Manger, if you were curious!!)

Sibling Relationships // How to reduce the Fighting with 'Soft Words'

As I wrote about recently, we have been working on a little 'family values' poster project. 

Our next value (mmmm, maybe value isn't exactly the right word here, but you catch my drift!) was 'Speaking Gently'. 

In family life, *how* we speak to each other often becomes just as important as *what* we say (ever noticed that?!). Recently I'd noticed that the tone of the interactions between Lily and Eli were sometimes getting a little 'sharp and squealy' for my liking! The high-pitched/whiny 'Stop!!! Move away!! I was playing with that! Noooo, don't touch, that's mine!!' type thing. Ahhhhh, like nails on a chalkboard, huh!? ;) Generally, they play/negotiate/discuss and get along sooooo well, but I had started to notice this type of 'sharp' response creeping in and really wanted to nip it in the bud before it became a standard for their interaction. I totally understand those responses are so instinctual when you feel 'wronged' but I also feel like with practise and purpose, we can train ourselves to slow down and respond differently out of a 'new habit' - and perhaps turn the whole interaction around. A big call for little hearts but a good one to begin working on early before those sharp response patterns become entrenched. Creating consciousness in them about how they were speaking, as well as showing them a 'better way' would be the first step. This is where 'scripting' often comes in, but I will write about that in another post!

What I noticed in particular was how things would escalate so often not from the initial statement or action (by Child A) but from the response (by Child B) at which point, things could get really 'heated'. So I wanted to work on 'cutting that circuit'.... just with baby steps, as I understand that negotiation and self-control are skills that must be learned over time (and often take a lifetime to fine-tune, as I sadly know too well!).

So with all those thoughts churning around, I figured 'speaking gently' would be a good subject for us to focus on next. I had a Proverb in mind to use along with it that has always struck me for its wisdom and real-life applicability. It applied especially well to the case of 'sibling-interaction-escalation!' (and, it should be noted, parent-child-interaction too!! Ahem).

''A soft answer makes anger disappear,

 but a rough answer makes it grow.''

Proverbs 15.1

I compiled a couple of translations to use the words that were most understandable to the kids... I loved this translation as the 'soft/rough' words were so graphic and clear - and I loved the visual of our response making anger either grow or disappear! This is a scripture full of such truth and wisdom - so very powerful! 

I looked around online for an activity as I thought such a core concept could use something extra to help the kids really understand the difference they could make with their words and even their tone. I found this simple and sweet one to base my own activity on -  I loved how it made soft and rough words so real!

We cut out some little sheets of sandpaper and got a pile of cotton balls and glue. The kids and I had a chat about our words and how we could use them in different ways in our family. We read the verse together and I explained to the kids how rough words and soft words could make someone feel by encouraging the kids to rub either the sandpaper or cotton ball on their bare arms. How does it feel when someone uses rough words with you? (It hurts me!) How does it feel whens someone uses soft words (nice and gentle and soft!). We had quite a fun (and funny!) time having pretend conversations where someone would answer in a rough way (ouch!!) or a soft way (ooh, that feels nice!). They really got into it and we laughed as we role played. I could see they were really understanding the concept and getting a lot out of it too. We walked through how, even if someone said/did something a little bit rough, we could choose to respond 'softly' and that would 'cover up' the rough words (or, 'put out the fire', if you will) and make things so much better! Sometimes it is better not to fight fire with fire... if you don't want to burn your home down, right???

For example:

Eli: (grabs a toy -  - may or may not realise L was using it)

Lily (calmly): Eli, I'm still using that right now, please can you give it back to me? You can have a turn in a minute, ok? (soft - rub that nice cotton ball!)

Eli hands it back. Done :)

 - as opposed to -

E: (grabs a toy - may or may not realise L was using it)

Lily (frantically): NOOOOOOOO, Eli!! That's mine! Give it back!!!! 

(rough - scratchy sandpaper!)

Eli holds on to toy for dear life! Problems escalate!

I should note here that of course, ideally 'Child A' would not snatch, complain or whine in the first place! And we talked about and work on that too. But when Child A makes a bad choice, it is certainly a lot easier to deal with that behaviour if Child B does not escalate the situation! (So Mama then has two upset kids to deal with!). Plus as we have seen, a soft response can often totally diffuse a potential melt down and avoid needing intervention too, so they can negotiate and work out issues more independently.

We reenacted quite a few *familiar* scenes using both rough words and soft words so they could see the difference those words could make. The key I think is realising that THEY can change the direction themselves, by choosing to calm themselves and use softer words - instead of immediately 'arking up' with rough words that only make the situation worse. They especially loved it when I tried out using some rough words too (wailing over wanting a toy, haha) so they could hear what it sounded like to me for once!! ;) 

Afterwards, they glued the cotton balls to the sandpaper, to remind us that God wants us to use soft words with each other, and that our soft words will help 'cover up' any rough/angry words and help them go away. We stuck them up on our little 'family command centre', but the kids still like to take them down to use every now and then! 

Later that day, when Lily responded cheerfully and obediently to a request I made, she pointed to the little cotton ball craft and said 'I bet that felt really soft to you, Mummy!'  It sure did! :)

Since then, using phrases like 'Try using some soft words', 'That sounded a bit like rough words to me'  and 'Do you think that feels soft or rough?' have been good reminders to slow down and watch words and tone. I've noticed both of them (unprompted) sometimes stop just as they are about to get upset, take a breath and instead use gentle words with each other - which is just gorgeous and such a relief to see!!! And they see for themselves the difference this makes!

Of course, it's not all soft and cosy cotton balls around here!! ;) They are still learning and so am I. It's a process but this little project has been a good reminder to dig deep into understanding the power of choice that we have. One little craft activity is absolutely not a one-fix-wonder, but it helps to understand big concepts in a very concrete way about the impact their words can have. This little activity also hit the nail on the head in terms of my strong belief in 'training in times of non-conflict'. Of course, that takes a little extra energy, initiation and creativity from me too - I don't always have the resources to do this but I just do what I can, when I can - focusing on one key area at a time really helps make it more manageable. They are so much more open to grasping these concepts when we talk about them when not in the midst of a melt down or argument. Instead everyone was relaxed and happy and open to receiving these words into their little hearts. It takes us all back to the foundations and refreshes us all to aim higher, do better and keep learning together.

Later I was reflecting on how it went and feeling thankful that they understood so well. But as I pondered, that proverb cut through my own heart - as God's Word tends to do!! I mean, God's Word and that verse is not just for kids!! It was speaking to me too. How often (and how easy!) is it for me to respond 'roughly' to someone, especially when I feel like they have spoken roughly to me?! With my kids most of all - if they are whiny, cranky or argumentative, how tempting it is to respond in kind with a frustrated, sharp or cranky voice? How much better do things go if I respond calmly, lovingly, empathetically (but still firmly)? Much, much better.

Of course, the kids are not the only people in my world (just the ones who take up most of my time, haha!). The same goes for my dear husband, my extended family, the grumpy shop assistant and so on. Even when I don't get spoken to or treated exactly how I would like, I have a choice in whether to escalate or diffuse the situation. A harsh response can stoke the fires of anger, but a soft word may douse it completely and turn the situation around... especially if it's just someone else's hard day, tired moment or even good old miscommunication stirring up things. It's funny how often in this world we get the idea that we should fight fire with fire - if someone speaks to us unpleasantly, we should volley it back to them. God turns it upside down when He encourages us to instead respond with softness. It's so easy to see the flaw in an angry response when I see it in my kids. It's so much easier to justify that response in myself!!!!

I am blessed to regularly see how a gentle response works through my own wonderful husband, Mark. He has a great habit of responding gently and compassionately, rather than 'firing back'. If it's me being cranky or frustrated, it immediately melts me and helps me realise he is not 'the enemy' but rather I am usually just tired/stressed/worried about something else. I see him work his magic on others too :) I admit I am more likely to 'fire back' when seemingly attacked by someone (oops) and have learnt so much from his gentle ways of responding.

Food for thought indeed. God's word is so rich and I love how something can be found in it for every age and every stage!

Mmmm, can you seem what word I almost (horror!) misspelled? If only I was
fussy enough to re-do the whole thing but I just could not be bothered ;)

Anyway, we all learnt a lot as you can see from this little activity and Family Values lesson. It will be a looooooong work in progress for us all, but it is encouraging to be on the same page, reaching for the highest standard. We fail, we fall, we grump and we return fire with fire. But we also slowly learn to cover roughness with softness and when we do, we all reap the good results of a more respectful and harmonious home and life. We can forgive when we fail and encourage each other to do better. That's what family is for... we are a graceful learning ground for life :)

21/52 - helpfulness + hiking

Lily

Our little family theme this week was 'helpfulness'. The kids and I talked a lot about what it means to be helpful, why we help each other and how to be helpful to others. We looked out for opportunities to be helpful around the home and gave extra doses of recognition and thankfulness when we spotted it. It is natural for a child's focus to be on their own little world, but I hope to continually open their eyes over time to the needs and activities around them and to see how valuable it is when they step in to lend a hand. Everyone has something to give!

My sweet-hearted Lily had some precious ideas such as tidying up her Daddy's office - Mark sure appreciated finding all his office things tidied into little piles, heehee! One evening she offered to help me make dinner. She worked really hard grating a huge pile of Parmesan and even helped stir the risotto... and we all know that takes some time! 

Love her happy, helpful heart. 

Eli

Puppy dog eyes.

Quite literally, as he is in the midst of playing 'Doggies' with Lily. Unsurprisingly, he is the puppy and she is the owner. He scampers around the house, fetching and rolling and happily displaying all his tricks. 

Such an accommodating little brother! Always ready to play and be part of the fun. And who could resist those baby blues?!

Miles

The bath is his happy place. Mine too! It's one of my favourite rituals with him... especially since he graduated to the full-size bath tub in recent weeks. In an inch or two of water, he can happily flail about, kicking and splashing to his heart's content. He just loves it and already I see the look of gleeful recognition when I lay him down in the warm water. I love contentedly sitting on the little green stool in the bathroom, continually dripping warm water over him from the wash cloth, rubbing his hair, and laughing, chatting and gently singing with my little happy camper. It is a sweet time, bested only by that delicious moment when I lift him from the water and wrap him quickly and snugly in a cosy big towel. Ain't nothing like a freshly bathed, towel-swaddled baby, is there?

Of course... although this child rarely spits up, five minutes after his cleansing bath, without fail, he always manages to spit up on himself. Cheeky boy! Hmmm, maybe it's his way of ensuring he gets another bath soon?!

Project 52: A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013.

More highlights from the week that was...

It's been a lovely relaxed week with a renewed sense of energy to devote to my family and home. I have recently wrapped up about four months of Public Relations/Marketing consulting (from home) for an old friend who just starting up a new web business. It is a wonderful business and I really enjoyed being involved in the launch of something so exciting and stretching those old work wings! As fun as it all was, finishing up for now has felt a little like releasing a breath I didn't even realise I was holding. It just feels nice to have recaptured some time and space (both physically and mentally) for my busy young family and I'm grateful I can keep that as my main job for now!

With a Saturday spread before us, we decided to hike up Mt Taylor, a very popular walking track not too far from us. Canberra is getting super frosty but today after the mist cleared, it was a gorgeous blue day and we wanted to get out and enjoy it! We have never done the track with the kids before and certainly did not intend to go the whole way (it is a pretty intense upward climb) but somehow... we did. Admittedly at least three times I suggested at a rest stop that it was probably time to turn back but each time we decided to go 'just a little further'. When Mark suggested 3/4 of the way up that the kids have the little chocolate treat he had smuggled into his jacket, Lily exclaimed 'But Daddy, those are for when we get to the top!'. Shamed by our four year old, on we trekked!! And somehow, some way, we made it to the summit - with me carrying 7ish kilos of baby the whole way (yes, I was pretty proud of myself!). Miles had the time of his life being toted along, he just napped and looked around without a peep the whole morning!

I was super impressed by how well the kids did walking all that way. After we reached the summit there were a few tears from our exhausted little duo who realised we had to walk down again!! But hand-in-hand (it was a steep descent) we finally made it back to the car and cheered for our family accomplishment... it felt pretty satisfying!

Ready to start the walk. Definitely overdressed, we had to carry the coats most of the way! (iPhone pic)

Headed back down...

Lily decided to try and make letters on the floor. Corralling her wriggly
non-literate brother took some effort but they got a pretty good 'T' in the end!

She loves to read to him and I love to see them!

Parmesan-grating

Eli was keen to assist at bath time. Little Bro was happy to see him!

 

When I said it was hair-washing time, funny little E said 'Mummy, 'dis a new way to wash my hair!' Nice try!

Quiet Family Reading Time (aka Sustained Silent Reading)

Children who are surrounded by reading will learn to read, will love to read and will read for life... and a love for reading can take you all kinds of amazing places!

This is pretty much the premise of one of my favourite books, The Read Aloud Handbook  by Jim Trelease. It is a wonderful book full of all kinds of fascinating stories, studies, research and anecdotes about the benefits of reading aloud to kids (yes, it really is a fascinating read, even if it sounds a little dry, I promise it's not!). Trelease shows the benefits of reading aloud until way past the age kids can read for themselves (like, basically, till they leave home or beg you to stop, haha) as well as heaps of ways to encourage a life-long love of reading in your children. While it may seem like preaching to the converted if you are already a big fan of reading (like me!) and of encouraging reading for your kids (like me!), this book is still so fascinating, engaging and full of practical ideas - it will make you pretty much a full-on obsessive evangelist for the cause, haha!! :) I highly recommend it... just in case you hadn't guessed! ;)

Trelease talks about the importance of Sustained Silent Reading throughout his book. Basically, um... reading for pleasure, in silence! AKA... reading to yourself. But this simple concept is also combined with another vital element. You see, our kids actually (when they are young at least!) think we parents are pretty cool. So, one of the best 'advertisements' for reading is for them to see us reading - just for fun! This made me stop and think - how often do the kids see me reading? Er.... pretty much never! Because I mostly read for pleasure and relaxation - and relaxing whilst the kids run around, climb on my head, request drinks every four minutes and ask where the blue crayon is, is not all that relaxing! Amiright?! (Plus, who has the time to read during the day? Not me!). So, these days pretty much all my reading is done in bed at night before I crash into sleep. No child witnesses that! I realised that as much as I can surround the kids with books and read to them daily, etc, it's not all that convincing if they don't realise that I actually love to read too!

What's the solution to this dilemma? Simply, taking some time to sit down with the kids and all read together... they read their books, I read mine and we all silently participate in a love for books! They get to see me enjoying my reading and we all benefit from the peaceful down time :)

So I was keen to implement SSR into our daily routine, combining the idea with the concept of Quiet Reading Time from Terrific Toddlers/Babywise series. Since I have been somewhat 'back on board' from my hyperemesis, I have slowly started introducing this idea in the last week or so to our routine - usually after lunch and before nap time. It doesn't happen every day as sometimes lunch is late/kids and Mum are tired etc! But most days, it's happening and we love it! The kids select two or three books each of their choosing and sit on the couches in the family room (and let's keep it real - separate couches is key!!) and I bring whatever book I am currently reading (right now it's The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson - so inspiring!). I then set a timer as this helps us all focus for the amount of time set and saves all the questions about 'how long we have left' being asked. We started at 5 minutes (hey, I do have a 2 year old boy!) and I am working up minute by minute each day as the kids (**cough**Eli**cough**) are able to handle the length of time reading quietly and happily. Today we did 8 minutes and my aim is about 15-20 minutes or who knows how long!!

I admit I was a teensy bit skeptical of how this would work, but have been pleasantly surprised - it has been a wonderful time. A Mum of two little kids sitting down to read for pleasure in the middle of the day - are you kidding me?! It feels positively decadent!! Lily loved it straight away and often asks to do it and to keep reading longer (I'm sure this has nothing to do with it taking place right before nap/rest time, ha!). Eli, who I admittedly did not have high expectations of (he is oh so noisy and wriggly at this age) has also done really great - even though I was expecting it to be a slow learning process. The first day, my rule-loving boy basically sat there the whole time stage-whispering repeatedly 'No talking! Quiet reading! Shhhh!' while Lily and I read! So cute. After a few gentle reminders on that day as to what we were doing, not to mention witnessing our example, the very next time we did it, he sat next to me looking at his books really quietly and happily for basically the whole time - with the occasional sideways glance at me just to check in... and just the occasional small wriggle! He now knows exactly what to do and reads calmly. Well done, Buddy Bear xx

'Mummy, we are 'sposed to be reading quietly'(Busted taking photos, oops!)

I love that whilst we are all enjoying our books, we also get to just partake in some peaceful time together, winding down in preparation to rest after the noisy chaos of lunch. I love exchanging the occasional quiet and happy smile with my two sweet babies. It's also a great opportunity for building up skills like learning to sit quietly, self-control and so on which I think is just as important. Afterwards everyone has a chance to talk about what book/s they read and what they like about it.

Books, kids, togetherness, peace... building memories, a love for reading, and self-control. 

Well, with all those things combined, I gotta give a big thumbs-up to Quiet Family Reading Time!