when a SAHM goes back to work // musings on family transitions

The time has come. After almost exactly eight years as a stay-at-home-mum, next week I am heading back to the (paid!) workforce. Eek!

There are all kinds of emotions mixed up in this of course - mostly sentimental! #youknowme

I feel so very grateful for almost a decade at home with my kids through these 'little years'. It's been a precious era, though of course challenging at times too (mild understatement, ha!). It ain't glamourous, it's true, but for me, being a SAHM was the most important job I ever had or will have! I will never ever ever regret staying home for this season.

This change is a little unexpected. With two kids now in full time school, my darling husband and I had been chatting earlier in the year about whether I might take on some extra paid work sometime, and thinking about some other family goals we wanted to incorporate (more on that later), but weren't really ready to pursue it just yet after a huge and challenging year in 2015 with my dear step-dad passing away.

Shortly afterwards, (still a few months ago), I was rather surprised to out-of-the-blue be offered a fantastic Fundraising/Communications position back in the Not for Profit industry (my old sector, pre-kids!).  Truth be told, I turned the job down!! It was a wonderful job but it just felt too soon for our family to transition. But then they very kindly offered to hold the job till I was ready mid-year and it was at that point I realised I was totally looking a gift horse in the mouth ;) and so I thanked God for orchestrating it all so nicely before I even knew what I wanted, and gratefully accepted the position! The organisation does amazing work in our community and I'm excited to help support and promote their valuable cause.

Now, after three months of mentally preparing and adjusting, here we are, about to change gears. I am going to work just two days a week in the office and a half day at home. I know it doesn't sound like much!!! but still feels like a big change in dynamics for our family! However, one of the best bits (and one of the main motivations in heading back to work) is that my husband is going to be dropping a day of his work for one of my work days. So he is going to hang out with our three year old, Miles, do house and church stuff and whatever else he can fit in! It's exciting for him and awesome (and reassuring!) for me to know he will be home holding the family fort! :)

My affectionate little Bear, my sweet sunshine, how I adore you!!
PS I think our stylist forgot to tell us we shouldn't BOTH wear stripes, haha ;) 

Oh Eli, You are pure joy, all heart, my lovely boy.

My girl. How grateful I am to know you , learn from you and soak up your sweetness and strength every day xx

So.... Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go! Of course, I still plan to be a mother, haha ;) But after eight years at home, it's a big change for me to be a working one!!! I  feel so grateful to have called being 'mum' a full time job these past eight years. Like, we can call that about a decade, right??? Wow. It has flown by, really... and yet also can hardly remember life not being this way. But I am now getting excited too for this new era where Mark and I get to share both working and being with the kids at home. He has worked full time for many years so it's a big change for him also, and it's exciting because of the possibilities for a different kind of 'balance'. Ultimately we feel very blessed and grateful to be able to make it work like this for our family, as we try this path and find our way.

It is a time of transition, the biggest change since I went on maternity leave eight years ago. My, oh my, those emotions all come rolling in as the tide changes. Of course, I can't help but wonder... did I make the most of these little years? Did I cherish them enough? I was here but was I always really here?? You know what I mean. Those early childhood days could feel so terribly hard and never ending, challenging and exhausting yet filled with such simple joys, quiet routines and an abundance of time for really knowing each other. What a privilege that is. It turns out those days really do pass in a blur and a blink and suddenly, here I am... on the tail end of the baby days, watching my children transition to school one by one, now I'm heading back into the workforce and looking back on a season that has now passed, never to return. Never!? *gulp* I survived, the kids survived... hey, on some days we even thrived!!! ;)

I pray earnestly for the seeds that were planted in those days. I give thanks for the time we had to know and be known, to teach and learn and train up and explore and stuff up and forgive and to grow. I'm including myself as well as the kids here!! I was not the 'perfect' SAHM, sometimes I frankly felt like the very worst and yet... I know my ever-gracious children were always (mostly!) just grateful to have me there, and for that? For that I am thankful. At the end of the day, I'm grateful for an abundance of time, for quantity to allow for quality to organically emerge (in the car, in the kitchen, in the garden, in the in-between). It was not all sunshine and roses, cuddles and colouring. But it was life, our life, with mess, tantrums, crankiness and all the rest. I never quite mastered the domestic diva thing, meal planning was always haphazard and the floor was usually dusted in crumbs. I really thought after eight years I would have had a 'proper schedule' with cleaning days assigned and all that, I tried but never really got there. Oh well ;) I didn't quit my job to keep the house clean, did I! It was ultimately about values and character training and nurturing that I was there for. Though I did unexpectedly fall in love with nourishing my family through food, through cooking and making and baking. That was a bonus ;) Things were certainly often tight on one wage, and we budgeted carefully and planned and sacrificed to live this way for so long. Sure, we never did it all or had it all, but what we had? It was real life, it was messy, it was gloriously ours, and we were together. That's all we really wanted.

My heart pangs a little, knowing I won't have the privilege of being quite so available or flexible anymore. I won't always be there like I was, at school events or after school or on sick days. Yet I know I am blessed to still be available as much as I am - and Daddy will be even more available than he was, which is simply wonderful! But still. It's a different kind of emotional rollercoaster when you pass the baton, when you are used to being the keeper of the household and manager of family life. And while some tell me how good it will be to have the 'best of both worlds' I also know it can be challenging to have those divided interests. So that will be something to navigate  - especially as I don't handle stress or busy-ness particularly well!! #watchthisspace

For so long I have been grateful to have my focus fully on this task of child raising. Not everyone can or even wants to be a stay at home parent and that is okay (more than okay! whatever works for you!!)... but I wanted to and I'm so thankful I could. And while I know some have questioned the value (or as they put it, 'the waste'!) of me being at home rather than in the workforce, those opinions don't phase me because Mark and I knew the value of one of us being home was priceless and precious and infinitely good for our children, our values and our family life. It may not be right for everyone but it was right for us - and how good and peaceful it feels to be confident in your family's choices, no matter which way the tides are flowing outside your home :)

But now. I transition! It's bittersweet as I say goodbye to a season I loved, but I also gratefully welcome a new season for our family. Most likely, just like SAHM life, working life will have good days and bad days, blessings and challenges and everything in between. Some people ask me if I feel 'excited' to return to the workplace/adult company/real work but that doesn't quite capture it - I certainly have not felt locked away, brain dead, starved for adult company or longing for paid work as a full time mum! But I'm not dreading it either... I love my professional work, and am very passionate when I am involved in it. And though I do feel sentimental and nostalgic about my retirement from the SAHM fulltime gig. I mostly feel like this is just the next right thing for our family. It will have highs and lows like most choices - but it does feel perfectly timed (thanks God!) and wonderfully flexible (thanks, employer!) and like I tend to do anyway, I will seek and find and focus on the good! I can say that in my gut I now feel ready for this next step (though I do feel nervous too - dusting off my corporate self, haha!) and like it came at the right time, even if I didn't know it yet. We will need time to work out the kinks of this new era, no doubt! But we will find our way. I am confident of that.

And so, in savouring the end of an era for our family, I'm a little sad as one tends to be when a beautiful season ends. But like every season there is a time for it and then there is fresh beauty to be found in change. We are farewelling the baby days, those tumultuous, precious, adorable and physically-exhausting early years at home, and stepping into a fresh new season of independent school aged kids and the working parent juggle. There are lots of blessings to be discovered in the new era ahead!


So, bring it on!

(Time to dust off my high heels, huh???)



xx Kate

Every year for Mothers' Day, I use it as an excuse/reminder/opportunity to take some rare photos of me WITH the kids.
My darling hubby took these precious shots! :) #themumstaysinthepicture

Everyone looking at the camera, smiling sweetly. Just Miles subversively winking!! #classic

the struggle

Oh, little man. 

Determined to 'do it myself'. 

I guess it's a lesson in parenting overall, to sit back and watch you learn, struggle, make mistakes, start over again, learn through your errors and finally burst through in triumphant, self-satisfied glory.

I offer a little gentle encouragement but try to just let you go for it on your own - you are working it through though it's soooo uncomfortable for me to watch. My itchy fingers take photos in order to stop myself from helping with just one arm-hole....

You get yourself there in the end and the beaming pride on your face for going it alone is a million times brighter than it would have been had I assisted you through the tough (head in sleeve) patches. 

A lesson for us both I think. A mother always itches to help her beloveds out of those tricky spots in life. Something tells me this won't be the biggest mountain you have to climb.... and something also tells me the toughest mountains for me as a mother will be letting you climb, fall (!) and conquer without me. 

But supporting you, training you and cheering you on? Well, that I can do!

Well done, little man! xx

Nothing You Can Do

Something I have been thinking about lately, in this privileged task of raising children, is what do I ultimately want my kids to know?

In many ways, my role is to model and embed in the hearts of my children the love God has for us all. I try (and yes, I do it imperfectly but I do try!) to reflect God's love to them that they may one day choose to see and know the fullness of His love and grace.

His love - gracious, merciful, kind, pure, selfless, firm, unconditional....

Yeah, a pretty tall order but it's a shining example I aim to emulate as best I can - in order to point them to the Source.

So what do I want the kids to know about the love I have for them - which happens to be also true of the love God has for them?




Totally zonked, totally beloved.

The heart of my love for them, the thing I want them to know in their core is this -

Nothing you can do can make me love you more.

Nothing you can do can make me love you less.

I will always love you -

Just because you're mine.

These kids of mine may achieve great things, they may be successful in the 'world's eyes', they may marry and give me hordes of gorgeous grandbabies, they may achieve and strive and rake in big bucks. But none of this is what ultimately matters, and I don't ever want them to feel that I will love them more for those things, or for them to do them for my approval or love. My love is not based on what they do, what they gain, what they achieve. I could never love them more than I do.

My kids may (inevitably?) hurt me one day by hurting themselves through poor choices. They will (inevitably) fail at some things. They may (inevitably?) make decisions for themselves that I would not make for them. They may even choose to not believe in the God who loves them so truly, madly, deeply and for that, yes, I would grieve. But.... I will never love them less. Nothing they can say, do, fail at, believe or choose will make me love them less.




Little Boy Blue! Yes, his sleeping bag is on backwards, otherwise he takes it and his
pyjamas off in the night and we discover a frozen little boy (literally blue!) in the morning!

I love them unconditionally. I pray I can and will always love them unconditionally. I almost fear to say this because I know life's paths have a way of unfolding in unimaginably challenging ways and I know that I will not always love them perfectly (forgive me!). But I do know that I love them and I know even more surely that when I, even as their fiercest protector and champion, ever stumble even slightly in showing my love.... it will be my failing only to reflect accurately the constant love God has for them... yes, because absolutely nothing you can do can make God love you less.


So when I  think about what I want my kids to know, at the heart of it is that I don't ever want them to feel like they have to or even can do anything to earn my love. Nor that they are ever at risk of losing any portion of my love. There may be prides and disappointments but the portion of my love for them will always be at 100%. Because they are mine.

They are a gift to me, they were born of me, and I love them - just because....

Keeping Kids Safe // Everyone's Got a Bottom - Book Review

Lately I have been thinking about a topic preferably no parent should ever have to think about - protecting our children as best we can against sexual abuse.

I know.... ugh.

It makes my heart break and my skin crawl but unfortunately those feelings don't stop it being a reality in this broken world.

I have been doing some research on how best to talk to my kids about these subjects, what is age appropriate, what do they need to know to best keep them safe, and equip them without freaking them out, etc.

The best little online article on this topic that I came across that shares some information of what kids need to know and also at what ages is here. It is an easy and enlightening read, I highly recommend!

I, of course, have always taught my kids the correct words for private parts and also talked to them (well, it's mostly Lily at this age) about how they are private, and we don't touch other people's private parts or let people touch ours. But I wasn't sure how much further I needed to go and how explicit or 'warning' I needed to be - and my heart just cracked in two at the idea of seeing fear, confusion or a loss of innocence in my sweet girl's eyes. Horrendous to even think about. I'm not squeamish about talking about things that need to be talked about, but I hate the idea of robbing any joy or trust out of an innocent child. Ugh. This parenting gig can be hard!

I also felt torn because, much like the Free Range Kids philosophy, I don't want to cotton wool my kids, freak them out over unrealistic dangers or have them panic every time every time a stranger comes near. My kids have thus far never even met a stranger, as they consider every person they come across (whether dishwasher-delivery man or random dog-walker down the street) to be their new best friend who they want to introduce to their pet fish Greg, and do some colouring-in with. I love this! I want kids free to be kids! Happy, friendly, free to explore the world. And let's be honest, about 90% of abuse occurs by someone known to the family (yes.... shudder) so I don't want to overly teach the whole 'stranger danger' thing as it can be more detrimental than anything (hence they have phased this teaching out of schools now, thankfully).

Anyway.... I came across this quality Australian book called Everyone's Got a Bottom by Tess Rowley, put out by Queensland Family Planning and it came highly recommended (books available for kids on this topic are seemingly sparse) so I bought it and after pre-reading, read it to Lily tonight.





I have to say I was very happy with this book. It follows three kids (two brothers and a baby sister) learning about taking care of their bodies (brushing teeth etc) and talking about their body parts (using proper names) and which parts are private. They talk about how they have a family rule (because rules keep us safe) that no one has the right to see or touch those private parts or show us theirs, and if they do - that is rude and we should say no (even if it's someone we know and like), and we can always tell a grown up we trust if this happens. It has a running mantra throughout of 'From our head to our toes, we can say what goes'.

The book was frank, friendly and casual whilst also being specific and careful. It gave some great practical 'tools and rules' to kids and made me see that those basic guidelines are all kids really need at this age, there is no need to get into anything too explicit or scary - phew!

Lily enjoyed the book and I could tell she was intrigued by the subject matter. I tried to ask a few questions to gauge her understanding without giving the reading an air of ***important topic happening here***, if you know what I mean!! (Sure-fire way for kids to shut down!) We talked about who in our family has what body parts, and how God made our bodies so special and different. I asked her what she would do if someone asked to see her privates or showed her theirs and she gave a very emphatic 'No!! Please STOP!' (with hand held up!), I asked what she would do then 'Tell a grown up like Mummy and Daddy!'. Of course I pushed it by asking what she would do if they said she couldn't tell a grown up and she said very sweetly 'I'd ask - please can I tell a grown up?!'. Um!! It's a work in progress, anyway!

So then we had a chat about how no matter what someone else says, she can always tell Mummy and Daddy anything.... no matter what. We don't keep secrets in our family (only surprises which are nice things like parties and presents) and she can always talk to us, especially if someone makes her feel yukky inside or scared, or does something rude. She seemed satisfied with that and I was too - left it there for now, for fear of over doing it!

The book is aimed at ages 3-8 and has an excellent section in the back for adults on other ways to talk to kids, signs of abuse, and so on. If you are interested in purchasing a copy, the cheapest on line price I found was here.

I feel like the book will be a good resource and launching pad for conversation in our family. Just to read every now and then and open up discussion. Most of all, I aim for open, honest and frequent family conversation so that the kids know they can always talk to us about anything. This is obviously just the start of a life-long multi-faceted conversation. Of course we can't totally protect our kids (as much as want to!) but hopefully by giving them some tools about the rights they have over their body, to trust their instincts and to always know they can tell us anything, it will go some way towards equipping them in self-protection. And of course I fervently pray that these are skills they will never need to use.

Sharing is caring - please post below if you have any tips, advice, strategies or good book/internet/video resources!

It's TV Time...and there's a Bear in there...

Catching up on the Playschool news, with baby, tiara and fairy skirt accompaniment!

TV Time in our home is kept pretty simple... it basically just consists of Playschool! Yup, we are big fans of the show in this house. Thankfully I TiVo all the episodes so I always have a little collection to choose from at whatever time suits us. Lily normally has TV time after breakfast and getting dressed, and before we move into the day's activities. This is my time to eat breakfast, check email and get organised for the day ahead! Our general rule is 30 minutes of TV a day (one episode) although I can make exceptions for sickness, emergencies when I have to take care of something urgent (I have no problem letting TV babysit when things get dire!) and of course the occasional 2nd episode in the late afternoon if it has been one of 'those' days!! But for the most part - 30 minutes a day in the morning is the rule and thanks to a semi-structured home-day routine and the blessing of Independent Playtime, I generally don't feel the need to rely on TV too much to keep kids 'entertained'. Ideally, yes, the screen time would be zero but I kinda feel comfortable with what we have going on for now as a reasonable amount.

I let Lily start watching TV when she was potty training around 19 months old. It was a good way to keep her sitting in one place (on the potty) for a while! Of course with Lily I knew about the recommendation to preferably not watch any TV before two... I held off as long as I could and we didn't quite get there, but close! Since that time though I've done a lot more reading and research into the effects of TV on littlies (what it does and more importantly, what it doesn't do), so decided to hold off a bit longer with Eli. I've only just in the last month or so (at around 21months) started letting him watch Playschool sometimes with Lily.... though to be honest he is so busy he will rarely sit for an entire episode anyway! (Unlike Lily, who would sit entranced for as long as I let her from her first glimpse of the TV!) Previously Lily would watch her episode while Eli napped or had Independent Playtime - now that Eli has (at last!) dropped his morning nap, I think it will work well for them to watch it together from here on in.

The content - pretty much always Playschool! As I said, I'm a big fan of it's simple low-key vibe (well, it looks that way but really, every drop of it is researched to the hilt!). I could wax lyrical for quite some time about this show... I just think it is wonderful, not least because I also grew up watching it and I kinda love that it has not really changed a scrap in all that time...except I think they got rid of the Rocket Clock - what's up with that?! Anyway, I appreciate for my kids how it is not too crazy/colourful/manic like so many children's shows. Just two engaging and calm presenters, singing songs and making craft from toilet rolls and paddlepop sticks! Love that it's so non-commercial, love that I can trust the content, love the way it reflects so much of the simple and wonderously mundane things in a child's world. Occasionally the kids watch an episode of the always hilarious Veggie Tales or a Bible Stories DVD we have. Movies we save for 'Family Movie Nights' to watch in portions together. For the adults in the family, we don't watch any while the kids are awake as I don't want them distracted, getting used to having TV on as background noise (which personally drives me bonkers anyway) or viewing content not appropriate for their tender ears and years!

I think TV in any family needs to strike that balance between the parents (let's be honest) needs for a break, combined with trying to fill the child's day with much more enriching, non-screen, real-life activities. This is our current groove that is working for us but I'm sure it will change and adjust over the years. Sadly they probably won't want to be watching Playschool in highschool!? It is kinda overwhelming to think how technology-filled my children's future is going to be compared to my own childhood and even adulthood - I only got an iPod last year! I know the technology is inevitable and basically essential to their adult world, but I figure while they are kids I want to delay that onslaught and protect them as much as I can... I want their childhood to be filled with block-tower-building, trampoline-jumping, book-reading, and as little Screentime as I can get away with. Like it or not, there will be plenty of time for that, huh!