week twenty two // lily's last week at home

my last week of homeschool, with my firstborn.

we had the sweetest week together, where Lily relished some solo brother-less time at home ;) and some well-earned time off before the big return to school.

she has done an incredible job at home - her teachers have labelled her a shining star who is ready to totally smash highschool! she is soooo ready, having been able to work so independently and diligently the whole time. honestly, I don't even know what she has been doing because she has managed her work and schedule all on her own! she has thrived on creating her own routine, working so hard, finishing work early and being so organised. what a champ!

couldn't be prouder of this little munchkin!! we topped off the week with a girl's day, including our first shopping trip in months :) so lovely.

blessed to have this wonderful daughter of mine! :)

#project52 #learningathome #coronadiaries

Sibling Relationships // How to reduce the Fighting with 'Soft Words'

As I wrote about recently, we have been working on a little 'family values' poster project. 

Our next value (mmmm, maybe value isn't exactly the right word here, but you catch my drift!) was 'Speaking Gently'. 

In family life, *how* we speak to each other often becomes just as important as *what* we say (ever noticed that?!). Recently I'd noticed that the tone of the interactions between Lily and Eli were sometimes getting a little 'sharp and squealy' for my liking! The high-pitched/whiny 'Stop!!! Move away!! I was playing with that! Noooo, don't touch, that's mine!!' type thing. Ahhhhh, like nails on a chalkboard, huh!? ;) Generally, they play/negotiate/discuss and get along sooooo well, but I had started to notice this type of 'sharp' response creeping in and really wanted to nip it in the bud before it became a standard for their interaction. I totally understand those responses are so instinctual when you feel 'wronged' but I also feel like with practise and purpose, we can train ourselves to slow down and respond differently out of a 'new habit' - and perhaps turn the whole interaction around. A big call for little hearts but a good one to begin working on early before those sharp response patterns become entrenched. Creating consciousness in them about how they were speaking, as well as showing them a 'better way' would be the first step. This is where 'scripting' often comes in, but I will write about that in another post!

What I noticed in particular was how things would escalate so often not from the initial statement or action (by Child A) but from the response (by Child B) at which point, things could get really 'heated'. So I wanted to work on 'cutting that circuit'.... just with baby steps, as I understand that negotiation and self-control are skills that must be learned over time (and often take a lifetime to fine-tune, as I sadly know too well!).

So with all those thoughts churning around, I figured 'speaking gently' would be a good subject for us to focus on next. I had a Proverb in mind to use along with it that has always struck me for its wisdom and real-life applicability. It applied especially well to the case of 'sibling-interaction-escalation!' (and, it should be noted, parent-child-interaction too!! Ahem).

''A soft answer makes anger disappear,

 but a rough answer makes it grow.''

Proverbs 15.1

I compiled a couple of translations to use the words that were most understandable to the kids... I loved this translation as the 'soft/rough' words were so graphic and clear - and I loved the visual of our response making anger either grow or disappear! This is a scripture full of such truth and wisdom - so very powerful! 

I looked around online for an activity as I thought such a core concept could use something extra to help the kids really understand the difference they could make with their words and even their tone. I found this simple and sweet one to base my own activity on -  I loved how it made soft and rough words so real!

We cut out some little sheets of sandpaper and got a pile of cotton balls and glue. The kids and I had a chat about our words and how we could use them in different ways in our family. We read the verse together and I explained to the kids how rough words and soft words could make someone feel by encouraging the kids to rub either the sandpaper or cotton ball on their bare arms. How does it feel when someone uses rough words with you? (It hurts me!) How does it feel whens someone uses soft words (nice and gentle and soft!). We had quite a fun (and funny!) time having pretend conversations where someone would answer in a rough way (ouch!!) or a soft way (ooh, that feels nice!). They really got into it and we laughed as we role played. I could see they were really understanding the concept and getting a lot out of it too. We walked through how, even if someone said/did something a little bit rough, we could choose to respond 'softly' and that would 'cover up' the rough words (or, 'put out the fire', if you will) and make things so much better! Sometimes it is better not to fight fire with fire... if you don't want to burn your home down, right???

For example:

Eli: (grabs a toy -  - may or may not realise L was using it)

Lily (calmly): Eli, I'm still using that right now, please can you give it back to me? You can have a turn in a minute, ok? (soft - rub that nice cotton ball!)

Eli hands it back. Done :)

 - as opposed to -

E: (grabs a toy - may or may not realise L was using it)

Lily (frantically): NOOOOOOOO, Eli!! That's mine! Give it back!!!! 

(rough - scratchy sandpaper!)

Eli holds on to toy for dear life! Problems escalate!

I should note here that of course, ideally 'Child A' would not snatch, complain or whine in the first place! And we talked about and work on that too. But when Child A makes a bad choice, it is certainly a lot easier to deal with that behaviour if Child B does not escalate the situation! (So Mama then has two upset kids to deal with!). Plus as we have seen, a soft response can often totally diffuse a potential melt down and avoid needing intervention too, so they can negotiate and work out issues more independently.

We reenacted quite a few *familiar* scenes using both rough words and soft words so they could see the difference those words could make. The key I think is realising that THEY can change the direction themselves, by choosing to calm themselves and use softer words - instead of immediately 'arking up' with rough words that only make the situation worse. They especially loved it when I tried out using some rough words too (wailing over wanting a toy, haha) so they could hear what it sounded like to me for once!! ;) 

Afterwards, they glued the cotton balls to the sandpaper, to remind us that God wants us to use soft words with each other, and that our soft words will help 'cover up' any rough/angry words and help them go away. We stuck them up on our little 'family command centre', but the kids still like to take them down to use every now and then! 

Later that day, when Lily responded cheerfully and obediently to a request I made, she pointed to the little cotton ball craft and said 'I bet that felt really soft to you, Mummy!'  It sure did! :)

Since then, using phrases like 'Try using some soft words', 'That sounded a bit like rough words to me'  and 'Do you think that feels soft or rough?' have been good reminders to slow down and watch words and tone. I've noticed both of them (unprompted) sometimes stop just as they are about to get upset, take a breath and instead use gentle words with each other - which is just gorgeous and such a relief to see!!! And they see for themselves the difference this makes!

Of course, it's not all soft and cosy cotton balls around here!! ;) They are still learning and so am I. It's a process but this little project has been a good reminder to dig deep into understanding the power of choice that we have. One little craft activity is absolutely not a one-fix-wonder, but it helps to understand big concepts in a very concrete way about the impact their words can have. This little activity also hit the nail on the head in terms of my strong belief in 'training in times of non-conflict'. Of course, that takes a little extra energy, initiation and creativity from me too - I don't always have the resources to do this but I just do what I can, when I can - focusing on one key area at a time really helps make it more manageable. They are so much more open to grasping these concepts when we talk about them when not in the midst of a melt down or argument. Instead everyone was relaxed and happy and open to receiving these words into their little hearts. It takes us all back to the foundations and refreshes us all to aim higher, do better and keep learning together.

Later I was reflecting on how it went and feeling thankful that they understood so well. But as I pondered, that proverb cut through my own heart - as God's Word tends to do!! I mean, God's Word and that verse is not just for kids!! It was speaking to me too. How often (and how easy!) is it for me to respond 'roughly' to someone, especially when I feel like they have spoken roughly to me?! With my kids most of all - if they are whiny, cranky or argumentative, how tempting it is to respond in kind with a frustrated, sharp or cranky voice? How much better do things go if I respond calmly, lovingly, empathetically (but still firmly)? Much, much better.

Of course, the kids are not the only people in my world (just the ones who take up most of my time, haha!). The same goes for my dear husband, my extended family, the grumpy shop assistant and so on. Even when I don't get spoken to or treated exactly how I would like, I have a choice in whether to escalate or diffuse the situation. A harsh response can stoke the fires of anger, but a soft word may douse it completely and turn the situation around... especially if it's just someone else's hard day, tired moment or even good old miscommunication stirring up things. It's funny how often in this world we get the idea that we should fight fire with fire - if someone speaks to us unpleasantly, we should volley it back to them. God turns it upside down when He encourages us to instead respond with softness. It's so easy to see the flaw in an angry response when I see it in my kids. It's so much easier to justify that response in myself!!!!

I am blessed to regularly see how a gentle response works through my own wonderful husband, Mark. He has a great habit of responding gently and compassionately, rather than 'firing back'. If it's me being cranky or frustrated, it immediately melts me and helps me realise he is not 'the enemy' but rather I am usually just tired/stressed/worried about something else. I see him work his magic on others too :) I admit I am more likely to 'fire back' when seemingly attacked by someone (oops) and have learnt so much from his gentle ways of responding.

Food for thought indeed. God's word is so rich and I love how something can be found in it for every age and every stage!

Mmmm, can you seem what word I almost (horror!) misspelled? If only I was
fussy enough to re-do the whole thing but I just could not be bothered ;)

Anyway, we all learnt a lot as you can see from this little activity and Family Values lesson. It will be a looooooong work in progress for us all, but it is encouraging to be on the same page, reaching for the highest standard. We fail, we fall, we grump and we return fire with fire. But we also slowly learn to cover roughness with softness and when we do, we all reap the good results of a more respectful and harmonious home and life. We can forgive when we fail and encourage each other to do better. That's what family is for... we are a graceful learning ground for life :)

Nature Drawings

Today was a home day that required a lot of work and chores. Lots of me working along with the kids to do chores, occupying the kids while I got stuff done and trying to rest so I didn't collapse in the midst of it all!  However the sun was shining and I wanted to do a fun little activity in the midst of one of those 'mama's gotta take care of business' kind of days - they can always be reclaimed with just a few special minutes of focused fun with Mum!

I armed the kids and myself with pens and note pads and we ventured outside to do some drawings of whatever natural creations we came across. I had been thinking that while Lily loves to draw things from her vivid imagination, which is wonderful, it might be fun trying to actually draw the things we see around us. A chance to marvel at the beautiful creation God gave us, and look a little more closely at the treasures contained in our own backyard. Sharpening observation skills and all that good stuff is just a nice bonus!

Lily was right on board and had a wonderful time hunting around the backyard choosing out the most wonderful things to sketch - flowers, leaves, twigs and grass. She was so enchanted and enchanting as she drew so intently and carefully, the utmost concentration and care in  her sketches. Her exclamations of wonder and joy as she examined every leaf for differences and intricacies was just gorgeous. My expectations of Eli were fairly low, but he did enjoy roaming around, scrawling on the paper and picking a few leaves and flowers! It's an interesting season being the younger brother, exposed to so much stuff at a higher level, with opportunities to participate or simply play at his own level. He is doing just fine :)

I was thankful today, that in the midst of a tiring, mundane, 'gotta get stuff done' kinda day, there was time out for a little fun together. Just like we can be surprised at the wonder in a leaf or petal, we can also find precious moments to delight in every day with our little people!

This is a drawing of a spider-web we spotted attached to a tree. Spider-web with tiny spider in the middle.
Little tree to the right and 'Lily when she was a baby' admiring the web!

Making a Ballerina Doll

Lily got a Ballerina Doll making kit for her birthday from our lovely friend Sarah. She was absolutely thrilled to recieve it (ballerinas + craft = bliss) and has been begging me daily to be able to make it. As the actual kit was for 8+ years, I knew it would require a fair bit of help from me so it had to wait a while till I not only felt up to the task but that we didn't have busy little brother around.

 

So today he took an extra long nap and Lily begged and pleaded... I was feeling pretty wretched but couldn't say no as she had been waiting so long so we launched on in!

 

 

Well, it sure was a challenge!!! It said it was suitable for 8+ but it obviously should have said 33+ as I had to do pretty much the entire thing and even I was struggling!!!! Maybe this just shows how uncrafty I am, but I could only laugh when it gave instructions to simply loop and glue a big stretch of wool in a complicated triple-8 sorta figure which would miraculously turn into a pretty smooth hair bun!?!? Yeah, not so much!! Not to mention trying to pleat the tutu using tiny strips of double sided tape!!

Thankfully, the four year old sitting eagerly at my side was not fussed about my dodgy hair-bun and tutu-pleating skills and was thrilled with the end result (although I did get into a bit of trouble when the tiara fell off after two minutes!). Regardless, it was nice to spend some time doing an activity with my darling girl...

My paltry attempt... note the dodgy hair - not quite like the picture promised!



Happy girl with her ballerina!

The Fruit of the Spirit...

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

Recently I have been working with the kids on learning about the Fruit of the Spirit of God. I wanted them to not just learn the names but be able to identify what these traits look like in action - in themselves and others. So, I drew up this rather simple little tree with the 'fruit' listed in the leaves. In retrospect I probably should have drawn fruit rather than leaves, but oh well!

I had the idea we could put a sticker on the 'fruit/leaf' when the kids identified that trait through our week but my clever little girl quickly cottoned on to that, loudly saying 'Look, Mummy, I'm giving Eli a toy - that's kind - can I put on a sticker?!'...about three times in thirty minutes.  Ahem... Well, I didn't want the kids 'performing' good things just for stickers, so I changed it around to identifying the fruit of the Spirit in others - so I could notice them in the kids, they in each other, the parents, etc.

It has been a lovely little project, seeing Lily exclaim 'Mummy, Eli's giving me a sweet cuddle, that's gentleness!'



The important task of choosing out a sticker is complete

For posterity I wanted to record some of the ways we have seen the Fruit of the Spirit enacted in our home in the last week or so...

love - family cuddle time!

joy - mummy feeling so happy when Lily came home from school

peace - lily and eli playing quietly together in her room

patience - the kids waiting patiently for dinner to be ready

kindness - eli giving lily the toy he knew she wanted to play with

goodness - lily obeying cheerfully when she was told it was time to tidy up

faithfulness - lily clearing her plate from the table without reminders 

gentleness - eli giving lily gentle cuddles on the couch during TV time

self-control - lily waiting in bed till the 'sun comes up' on her toddler alarm clock

Intense concentration when applying the sticker!

It has been (I hope) a good way for the kids to see their choices and behaviour in a bigger light than merely that action of the moment. Good for me too, as we work as a family to let that 'fruit' shine through our hearts and into our lives. Lily told me tonight she wants to keep the poster up 'forever and ever' which I think means for a good while yet... and so I think we will!

Yup, I put that sticker there!

Making Toys, Making Memories

Our lovely friend Charlotte gave Lily a sweet gift when we were in Melbourne - a cute little kit to make your own stuffed toys - a cat and a dog!! All the felt was pre-cut, all that was needed was to thread it together, stuff with the provided stuffing and stick on all the (already sticky) felt pieces to give the animal features (in your own style of course!). Perfectly doable for a very crafty three year old - she was thrilled! We settled in for a quiet little Learning Time together, and Lily chose to do the dog first (because she desperately wants a real dog!!). It was fun and just challenging enough (I only had to help a bit with the threading) without being so hard as to be frustrating.

I also used this activity as an opportunity to work with Lily on listening patiently to instruction (as I showed her how the toy would come together) and persevering (with the threading, as she tends to give up pretty quickly with challenging tasks). She often resists this kind of thing but explaining gently and calmly before we began that our Learning Time would include listening first, and the need to 'keep trying' helped her accept them happily.

It was a sweet little activity, Lily loved doing it and was ever so proud to have made her very own toy! Thanks, dear Charlotte, for a perfectly engaging pressie!! It was great to see her growing in other areas through the task too, listening calmly and patiently to direction (rather than wanting to rush in and do it herself then getting upset when she didn't know what to do) and persevering with the threading (rather than saying it's too hard and giving up). It was of course good for me too, to work with her patiently and gently throughout,encouraging without hovering too much!

It was a lovely morning working together, watching her ever-more capable little fingers grow in dexterity. Her confidence in knowing how to put things together, her joy in creating. Working hard, enjoying the result. Satisfying!

'Mummy, I love Learning Time together with you', she said as she busily stuck 'bones' all over her new doggie. I kissed her hair and told her how much I loved spending time with her too. Love these little moments of togetherness, learning, growing, sharing together. Growing in skills and more importantly, character. Having fun, making memories.

How blessed I am to spend a childhood with her.

PS She named her dog Charlie... of course!

Wonderful Water Beads!

If you hang around the blogosphere for long (well, I guess with a kiddie/crafty/play-based learning slant) you will surely hear about Water Beads! If not? Allow me to fill you in... these amazing little beads, originally used in floristry, have become the big hit in sensory play for kids. They are just so.much.fun for kids... well, so I have seen and heard on line, but now I know for sure!



Pouring in the beads was fun

Oh so tiny!

They come all tiny and bead like... then just add water and let the magic happen! They swell up into slippery, squishy marbles that are just irresistible to touch! I bought them on eBay a while ago but kept forgetting to use them - so today I finally remembered to get them out for our Learning Time, and we had a blast! Sensory play is just so amazing for kids, I loved seeing Lily engage in touching and experimenting with the beads and coming up with different ways to play with them!

Trying to catch them

These magic beads pretty much kept the kids entertained all day! What with pouring them in, checking to see how much they had grown, standing in them, cooking with them etc etc - the possibilities seemed endless! Simply just running your fingers through their jelly-like little forms was a task in itself! While taking breaks to eat, sleep and run around inside, pretty much every other moment the kiddies were simply drawn back to the Water Beads - largely because of the novelty of course, but also because these simple slippery little things are so engaging!

Lily review? "I love them, they are good for pinching and squishing and they are very wobbly"

Water Play is always a hit!

Eli had a fantastic time too, especially putting them back in the water one by one, and seeing  them make that satisfying plop into the water! He just didn't want to stop playing with them! I made a conscious effort to try to stand back and let them lead the play and develop their own ideas without too many controls, ideas or interjections from me. It was great to see the ideas they came up with, like when a light came on in Lily's eyes and she said 'Mummy, I want to stand in there!!'.

Hard at work playing!

Pouring over and over!

Lily got the idea to stand in there!!

Enjoying the squishy sensations!

Precious toes - Kinda like grape stomping??

Some animals jump in for a swim, and cooking with beads too



After 4 hours they finally swell to full size!



Scooping up the squishy marbles!

At dinner time, Lily sweetly told me 'Thank you Mummy for getting us the fun water beads!' - You are welcome, sweet girl! Who would have thought some little beads could make such a full and fun day of games and memories and little delights!? It was great seeing how every stage from dropping in the beads, pouring in the water etc were all a fascinating adventure for the kids - and also the excitement (and patience) in waiting for them to swell up to their full size.

If you are interested in getting in on the fun, they are easy to buy online and are DIRT CHEAP - like seriously, I bought 10 packs (which made the amount seen in the tub here) for under $2 on eBay (with free shipping!).... I mean for that price, I am tempted to bathe in them!! Well, I know the kids want to! Just Google or hit up eBay and enter 'Water Beads' to find some for your own beady adventures.

Now we have finally got them out, we are looking forward to experimenting with different ways to play and engage with them. No doubt there will be more photos in the future! Sorry for the overload of photos today, it was hard to choose among all the different stages of play.