Are SAHM's all Brain Dead?

Now I don't get riled up or offended by much in the motherhood discussion, but one comment that has always rubbed me wrong is the idea that SAHMs don't use their brain.

I couldn't believe, when I went back to part time work after 8 years at home, the number of people who said to me 'Isn't it great to be using your brain again??'.

Sorry, what now?
As if I had actually been brain-dead for the 8 years that I poured my heart, soul and (yes!) mind into the very worthy work of being at home with my three kids. To me it felt like my brain worked harder during that season than it ever had!! Trust me, I had never cared so much about a project outcomes! ;)

In this excellent article the author talks about working being an 'intellectual change of pace' (refreshing!) after being at home, rather than needing to call it 'intellectual stimulation'. I like that!! It's not about using your brain or not in either scenario, it's just about using it in a different way. That's certainly how I felt when I returned to work. I was using my brain differently (and being paid for it!) but that didn't mean I hadn't been using my brain before.

Now, I am just speaking for myself. If you are a mum who felt brain-dead at home and that was your reason for returning to work, that's legit and fine of course. We all feel differently about our own experiences! But I don't think we should presume to paint every SAHM with the same brush.

To the SAHM's out there, using their amazing brains, work and life experience, and education towards raising their kids and running their homes.... to you who are pouring heart and soul every day into the incredibly worthy investment of raising your children (yes, even in the mundane and relentless bits) - I want you to know I think what you are doing every day is BRILLIANT!! No price can be put on the time you are giving.

You are investing in the hearts of your children, and in my book that is pretty darn clever!

the last little one at home // the in-between season

With my middle child off to school this year (and totally rocking it by the way - but that's another post!), I suddenly realised I've somehow transitioned from a 'mum of little kids who has one at school', to a 'school mum who still has one kid at home'. Subtle difference but a big one (to me, anyway, lol)! I blinked, they grew up, and now here I am. Still getting used to this change...having two school age kids. For so long (soooooo long), I was a mum to little kids at home. But the baby and toddler phase has officially past. Eek?! If you are anywhere near this stage you know how bittersweet it is! So strange to realise those 'little years' have really past (we survived!!!) and we are entering a new phase, heading as a family towards those middle years, the school age years #whoa. In many ways I'm sad to say goodbye to those simple, precious (exhausting) and adorable baby days, but also excited about the fun and conversation and independence and adventures of school age kids. Ahhhhh, transitions!

#mixedemotions #addictedtohashtaggingevenwhennotonsocialmedia ;)

Accidentally twinning with my buddy as we enjoy a coffee date
(another novelty I hardly dared with multiples). Matching grey 
and navy stripes... hmm, maybe we  are spending a little TOO
 much time together?! :) #impossible

My three year old 'forever my baby', Miles, is still at home (the last one!!). I am so incredibly grateful I still get to be with home with him.... but it's funny how it feels so different?! Our family is more firmly in the school phase, no longer a newbie school mum with the novelty of a first school child. With my second starting, we all kinda feel like pros! He knew what to expect and so did I... so it was a much less emotional experience for all of us, really. School lunches, permission slips, home readers... yeah, we have found our groove with all these novelties!

And life at home with 'just one'? It feels like a whoooooole different ballgame.

Hot Cross Buns on the deck together for morning tea. Happy times!
Scraped nose, but he don't care!

These are simple, quiet, contented days. SO QUIET!! SO SIMPLE!! SO SWEET!! Ha. Just a far cry from the general level of mayhem and noise that was in the house with three kids full time. Sibling interactions - even when positive - are just generally so noisy!! And now it's sooo quiet, lol. But I am still getting used to it, frankly. I think when you have been so accustomed to being home full time juggling three little people along with running a household, having 'just one' feels practically child-free, haha!! So I have to admit we have been having a blast together. I love hanging out with my little sidekick, Miles, he truly is darling! And all of a sudden I have so much freedom to run errands, do volunteering, help with church things, hang with friends, get chores done, do the gardening, organise the house, etc . So doable now, especially with a super chilled and independent little man by my side. It's such a change?! Especially as Miles is now a big three year old, past the super busy toddler stage. He can play independently, obey instructions, understand where we are going and why. He is happy to go along with whatever is happening Oh, and the conversations are precious beyond words... I love this age! We have the best chats as we cruise around town and hang out at the house. And of course we love going to pick up the big kids after school, greeting them with hugs and begging for updates - it's always quite a reunion!

Quietly, independently, happily playing Magnatiles while I bake.
What is this?!?!?! 

I'm just loving this sweet season. This time feels so precious and I know all the more now how much I need to cherish as it will not last. ❤

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Side Note: If you have 'just one' total children right now, please know that when I had 'just one' myself it suuuuure didn't feel so simple and easy breezy!! Perspective (and I guess your ability to juggle and cope) just changes a fair bit after you ratchet up to three then down to one. But that first one? It felt challenging for sure! #restassured

I've been joking to friends it's like I can now do all those SAHM things I always thought I would do but couldn't because, you know, all those kids in the way!!! Ha! So have to admit I have been really relishing these quiet and productive days! Pottering around, getting all those ever-undone chores off the list, helping out at school, getting shopping done, taking care of errands with my buddy by my side. It's been pretty sweet and I started to think about how productive I have been.... IT FELT GOOD! Then I realised -

Wait a minute! Was I suggesting that the previous seven years raising three little humans was unproductive?!

Oh, no, no, no. Not at all.

Maybe unproductive in many senses, in many worldly values... often it appeared that nothing got accomplished in a whole day!! (Except keeping the kids alive.. my main goal!) BUT....The everyday, glorious and mundane task of raising little people - it's the most important job I ever had (and still have!). Maybe it was largely 'unproductive' in one sense, but it was still noble work. Ok, the floor often wasn't swept and I was often frazzled and tired to my bones but still...being home, being with them, during all those pre-school years, was unproductive in the best possible way. After all, I didn't quit my job to stay home and keep the house clean, or be productive in really any sort of measure except being there for them, raising them, instilling love and values and character in their hearts. Just giving them the priceless gift of time. Time with me, time to be nurtured in the home, time to grow up slowly and gently and quietly. We all know time is precious and it seemed my greatest productivity may have been seemingly 'wasting time' by investing in them, in giving time to them. Ok, ok, it's nice to get the chores down and the errands run, but I think we all know what has the greater value! The pay ain't great, but this work has an eternal value in my perspective, investing in little hearts and minds.

Now school is calling for my baby boy.... just a year or two away (he is on the cusp of the school year, so not quite sure when he will start yet). School is beckoning my last little one, I know that time to that point will fly. Then the office will be calling me once more, and I know that will be yet another change for our family. Times, they are a changin'...

But for now? 

I will enjoy this 'in between' season, soaking up the last drops of SAHM life with my little dude, while also ticking things off my to-do list like A BOSS!!!!!

a Barbie alternative // the lovely Lottie doll

We welcomed a new little friend into our household recently... her name is Lottie!

She was a special gift for Lily after she achieved a major milestone (stopping thumb-sucking at last after a significant regression - hooray, hooray, hooray).

Our journey to little Lottie was a winding one. Lily had started asking for 'a Barbie' after seeing several of her little friends had them. But... I just couldn't bring myself to buy her one. Now please don't get me wrong, I don't think Barbie and her ilk (Moxie, etc) are the devil incarnate or anything!! I grew up with Barbie dolls and certainly don't consider myself scarred for life or anything ;) And yet... knowing my daughter, I just felt myself pause at the thought of consciously purchasing a Barbie for her. Maybe it will happen one day, but she just seemed too young and I just didn't feel comfortable about it.

I love to see my little girl's imagination run free as she plays, creates, and processes through her dolls and toys. I appreciated the idea of a very special doll for her but.... I kinda wanted her to live out this creative world through a little girl doll who looked a bit more like her. You know - with a real child's body. Or at least a real woman's body!!! One of the things I am conscious of with my kids is letting them truly embrace their childhood, and just be free to be kids. As much as possible, to be free of the body image issues and the early sexualisation and adult-ification of childhood that seems to run more and more rampant in our society these days. She is growing up in her own sweet time, no need to rush the process!

And so began my internet search for 'a Barbie alternative', thinking surely there would be a plethora of them after all the Barbie controversy over the years. I was pretty surprised to find the pickings were slim to almost non-existent. Really???! C'mon, people! I knew I could not be the only parent looking for an alternative.

And then I finally stumbled across Lottie. Lovely little Lottie!






Lottie dolls are a range of dolls from the UK. They are little girl dolls designed especially to look like....little girls. No makeup, no jewellery, no insanely disproportionate body shape. And even flat feet so she can stand up for herself! Ok, yes, there are the long lush locks and the big googly eyes but... in comparison to market offerings... it was leaps and bounds ahead. Kids can still change outfits and brush hair (and take it in the bath - a serious requirement according to Lily!) - but with a doll that looks a lot more true to a child/life. I was thrilled!! But now I had to see if it met the standard of my discerning five year old.... after all, this was a special gift and I didn't want to purchase something that I loved but didn't win her heart. I pulled up the website with the range of dolls and with trepidation, let her survey the offerings.... would it passed muster??

"Oooooh' she breathed. 'I can really choose one??!!'

Yup, Lottie passed the test! Phew ;)

A spare outfit for parties ;)
Every girl knows that swapping outfits every half hour is the best part of having a doll, right?!

There are a range of Lottie dolls with different hair colour and fun, kid-friendly outfits. Of course, my little dancer chose the ballerina-esque outfit... with a backup outfit very similar to the dressy outfits she owns. The tag on the box says 'Lottie has a 'childlike' body developed by a range British academics; she doesn't wear makeup, jewellery or high heels. Best of all, she can stand on her own two feet - an invaluable life skill for all girls, big and small' . Here, here! (Much more info and research on the Lottie website listed below). The doll range 'themes' focus on activities that a child can do (from soccer to swimming to butterfly catching!) and helps present a healthier view on body image and an active lifestyle. I really appreciate that they have a range of dolls and outfits that includes the sparkly fun stuff that many girls enjoy but does not limit the range to those 'hyper girly' options. Just like the colour pink - nothing wrong with the colour itself, but it gets tiresome when it's the only option for girls to choose from - it's so limiting and self-perpetuating! Argh! Likewise with Lottie, there is pink and sparkles but there is also soccer and hiking themes! And - all of them are child appropriate. At last.

When the time came at last to open up the Lottie doll box (Lottie was kept on a shelf until Lily's no-thumbsucking goal had been reached), Lily was sooooo excited. Thrilled. Swept away. 'She looks just like me!!!' she squealed with joy, and I was very happy to admit it was true, 'Except I don't have a fringe. Maybe I should get one!' (Uh oh, hide the scissors, lol!!). Yes, a girl like her, through which she can dream, imagine, create and adventure.

I think the grin on her face says it all really!

Her first moments with Lottie. As soon as Lily opened up the box, she raced to
dress in her own ballet outfit so they could be matching :)

Putting those teeny little ballet slippers back on!

Introducing Lottie to Mrs Scratch :)

Twinkle toes times two.

Soaring high into the sky...

My own little lady, feet firmly planted on the ground.

a Lottie love 

Twirling ballerinas

And.... rockstar Lottie?!

Girls don't have to be sweet and delicate. Ha! Belting out her tune with gusto.

Giddy with excitement, going a little cookoo ;)

Lottie, standing on her own two feet!

I am thankful for how Lottie encourages girls to enjoy their childhood in all its facets. I think we found a good fit for our family values with this sweet little doll. Childhood is a magical phase that passes quick enough without encouraging them too soon into adult worlds and concepts. With Lottie, I feel like Lily can happily linger in her girlhood a little longer.

And now, I am enjoying watching Lily and Lottie and their many adventures unfold (it's both hilarious and sweet). The dawning of a very special friendship indeed :)

P.S. I probably don't really need to say it on this teeny tiny blog, but this isn't a sponsored or affiliate post or anything! Just happy to have found a doll that we love and wanted to share it around so if anyone else out there is searching for a Barbie alternative, they can get a review! 

PPS The Lottie Australia website is here. You can buy it online at lots of places, I found the best online price for the doll Lily wanted here (very affordable, I thought), and apparently you can buy them in store at David Jones, Toys 'R Us and hopefully many other stores will start stocking them! Available also in the UK and US and I'm sure other countries... have a Google and see. Get on the Lottie train, I say! She rocks :)

the struggle

Oh, little man. 

Determined to 'do it myself'. 

I guess it's a lesson in parenting overall, to sit back and watch you learn, struggle, make mistakes, start over again, learn through your errors and finally burst through in triumphant, self-satisfied glory.

I offer a little gentle encouragement but try to just let you go for it on your own - you are working it through though it's soooo uncomfortable for me to watch. My itchy fingers take photos in order to stop myself from helping with just one arm-hole....

You get yourself there in the end and the beaming pride on your face for going it alone is a million times brighter than it would have been had I assisted you through the tough (head in sleeve) patches. 

A lesson for us both I think. A mother always itches to help her beloveds out of those tricky spots in life. Something tells me this won't be the biggest mountain you have to climb.... and something also tells me the toughest mountains for me as a mother will be letting you climb, fall (!) and conquer without me. 

But supporting you, training you and cheering you on? Well, that I can do!

Well done, little man! xx

nest + rest

We are in the zone and starting to bunker down into our little nest. We reside in that funny little space in time when you know life is about to radically change in wonderful, crazy, expected yet unexpected ways - at any unknown and uncontrolled moment!

Preparing our hearts and home for a new family member.... it's always a surreal time, whether it's your first or your fifth (or so I imagine and don't ever plan to know for sure, haha).

How am I? Exhausted. Excited. Achy. Happy. Hormonal (ohhhh, the hormones!). Spaced-out. Grateful. Content. Sometimes vomiting, usually at least slightly nauseous. Did I mention tired?? Wavering between wanting to savour these moments of life 'as we know it' and eagerly anticipating the new stage to come. Bring it on....

The kids ask every day if today is the day 'the new baby' will be born. They are sooooo excited and so ready to welcome this little one into their lives. They have so much love in their hearts (and so many eager little hands!). I cannot wait to see them experience life with their new baby sibling. After witnessing Lily with Eli's arrival, I now know to eagerly anticipate the incredible joy and blessing it is to see your children love and care for each other. Sibling love is the sweetest. This baby has so many snuggles coming!!

Getting the bassinette warmed up with some practise with Baby Susan

Dolls are good but these two are ready for the real thing.... though not sure if
the real baby will be quite ready to be smothered with their love!!

I am pottering through my days. Trying to slow down. Often failing, but trying! I'm putting together a photo book online of my 366 Project (so I can order a hard copy - I need evidence, haha!). It brings back memories of when I was pregnant with Lily. The year before, Mark and I had taken an incredible whirlwind trip around the world (South Africa, Argentina, Brasil and Malaysia - yes, a deliciously random mix!). In those weeks before and after Lily's arrival, I finally put together a scrap book of our 'Trip of a Lifetime'... this was back in the day when I actually did the old 'print photos, stick them in a book with collected memorabilia' thing - not all online like I am now!

Oh, those quiet days sifting through international memories, putting together that book... it was so soothing! Anticipating the life change of our first precious child. It was delicious, being ready as we could be, and waiting to meet her. In those heavenly weeks after she arrived, with her quickly settling into a newborn routine of eating and sleeping (yes, she was an angel baby), and with all the 'back to ground zero' space that a new child brings to your life, I would spend nap times and evenings quietly working on the book while Mark worked through an impressive to-do list during his paternity leave.

Now here I am, working on a similar project but this time with two busy little people already in my life, so of course just a bit less time to create at leisure!! And certainly even less time after baby's arrival too, with two littlies to also keep occupied - hence why I am trying to get this book done now. And yet this project is filled with 366 good reasons why a very different 'adventure of a lifetime' - experiencing life with two young hearts - is such a worthy (if somewhat exhausting) filler of our time!

'Awww, Lily, it's my turn to hold baby!!'Yeah, something tells me I will be hearing a lot more of this!

I am feeling ready to welcome this new baby... well, as ready as one can be with such a precious yet unknown little quantity! Looking forward to taking on the incredible and beautiful challenge of birth, whatever it may be. Trying to make it to the birth centre this time but not feeling anxious about it. Birth is so unpredictable but I go into it with positivity and excitement. I think birth is such an amazing privilege and process for women to go through, a rite of passage through which we become mothers. Hard, yes, but oh, so worth it.

Most of all, I am thinking of this little one almost just within reach and pray fervently that he is healthy and strong and will come into this world safely where we can love and cherish him. I would truly appreciate prayers for these things from anyone so inclined!


You are already so loved, little one. I pray you are soon safely in my arms!

baby girl loves to twirl...

The only thing she loves more than dresses is twirling around in them!

I quickly captured these shots as Lily was twirling around in her dress after church. I knew they were not 'the best' shots - much of me wanted to keep going and try to get some 'good' or at least 'better' magical twirling shots of my little Dancing Queen - however it was a day when near enough just had to be good enough... so I snapped a couple quickly and made myself put the camera down. After all, the aim of the game is to document the delight of my sweet child and that I have done, even if not 'perfectly' (arggghh, perfection!).

Why?

Because I am learning to accept ever so slowly that there is not time enough for 'all the things' that could be done, that would be nice to be done. For everything there is a season. It's been an  intense week around here, as Mark has been finishing his final (ever!!) exams for his post-grad studies, while he has also had the flu and started this week in a new section at work. Poor guy!

Meanwhile, I have not been feeling too well the last week or so and throwing up a fair bit. I mean, I am still generally not 100% in this pregnancy but the last week or so has been hitting me a bit harder. I am coming to accept that I am going to remain 'a little unwell' for probably the entire remainder of this pregnancy... not bouncing back as I have in previous pregnancies once I got through the roughest patch. To still be a bit sick is totally ok - especially as I can now mostly function (as opposed to being bed-ridden and totally dysfunctional as I was previously!) - so I am not complaining at all as I am so much better than I was!! But I guess I tried to eagerly jump back into life and my body is quickly telling me through nausea, vomiting and exhaustion that I am doing a little too much. Oops.

So, I can do somethings, but just not everything, all the time... but that sure is better than nothing, right!?

Anyway, I think I am just rambling but these are just my collected thoughts on trying to learn the lesson of pacing myself. It is a life-long lesson for me.... my parents used to frequently chastise me for 'burning the candle at both ends' as a teenager! But especially during this pregnancy, I guess I still need to learn to slow down. I really struggle with saying 'no' to others and also to myself (so many bright ideas of things to do, people to see!!). I am my own worst enemy in this regard... but the gift of this child within me is so worth my limited capabilities. So, friends, I will try to slow down and accept this season and my abilities for what they are. I am a slow-learner but I am grateful for grace!