teasing, siblings, making things right

Today as I was getting Eli up from his nap, he started asking for the toy mobile phone he had been playing with earlier (what can I say, the kid has a lot of calls to make!). Lily was hanging out in his room but then ran to her room and came back with a different toy phone. She stood in the door with it and I was half-expecting her to sweetly give it to her brother but instead she started jumping around in the door way, holding the phone to her ear and provocatively calling 'Look, Eli, I'm playing with my phone! I have a phone and I'm talking on it, Eli!!' and so on. Eli, of course, wept!

Umm.... 

Yes, I have to admit I was a bit surprised to see her act that way towards her little brother! Not typical of her at all and I was genuinely saddened to see her 'rubbing it in his face' like that.

'Oh, Lily' I said gently and motioned her to come sit on my lap (where I had been sitting on the floor wrangling Eli out of his sleeping bag). I snuggled her into my lap and said quietly and gravely 'It sounded like you were just teasing your brother. Do you know what teasing is?' She did not. 'Lily, teasing is laughing at someone else in an unkind way. Like you were saying you wanted Eli to feel sad because you had a phone and he didn't'. Her face dropped in horror and then wrinkled up into a wail '.... But I love my little brother!!!" she wept. 'I know you do, darling' I said, hugging her close. 'You love him so much, and that's why it's important to remember to treat him kindly like you would want to be treated - that's what Jesus wants us all to do'. She flung herself on her brother and cuddled him and apologised, sniffling all the while.

In our family, when a 'wrong' has been done against another family member, rather than just getting the kids to toss a sorry at the person they hurt, we often encourage them (after seeking forgiveness) to think of a way of 'making things right' - an act of restitution and kindness that shows the contrition in their heart and helps restore the relationship. In this case, as well as giving Eli her toy phone, Lily had the idea all on her own to draw him a picture. And so she did. Sweet girl! When she presented it to him, he squealed 'Oh, wow!!!!' in utter joy at such a masterpiece just for him. Lily gave him a huge cuddle and when she then wanted to give a second, Eli said plainly 'No, dat's nuff!'. But then he offered up a kiss instead. Ha!

Oh my heart!! Totally melted when I saw the picture Lily did for E.
Above their names, she said the marks say 'I love you, my little brother and
I will come to your birthday party cos you are two years old' Heehee!

Oh, children. I know these hurts and squabbles and issues are inevitable. Here in our home is a little training ground for a big wide world full of complicated relationships to come. Did I handle this situation perfectly? Eek - I don't know, I just did the best I could off the cuff and in that moment to reach the hearts of my children. They will fail each other, and us, just as we as parents will fail them. One of my goals in parenting these little people is just to skill them up in thinking about the messages they send each other with their words and actions and (importantly) to have the tools and humility to seek forgiveness and restore the relationship when they let each other down. Cos, hey, we are broken people and all hurt the ones we love. That's humanity for ya (thanking God for His grace!). If we can admit when we fail each other and be willing to make things right, I believe it goes a loooong way towards building and preserving strong relationships. That's love, grace, beauty and all that good stuff - in action! These are the things I want to build into the hearts of my children... one little block at a time.

Lily, I am so grateful for the tenderness, humility and kindness you showed towards your brother today! And your willingness to make things right after a little mis-step. God bless your precious heart and this most precious sibling relationship.